


Without You I'm Nothing

by philippine



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alex the supportive big sister, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Identity Reveal, J'onn the space dad, Kara needs a hug, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Past Lames, Sam deserves to be help, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, set after the episode 3x11, some heavy feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-29 01:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13916229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philippine/pseuds/philippine
Summary: Kara stepped into her apartment through the open window after a harassing day between her two jobs. Because of Reign threat, she barely had time to go to Catco, and when she was there she had to suffer through Snapper’s lectures. She had finally a night off, there was nothing she could do at the DEO and Catco was closed for the night. So she had planned on putting her pajamas on and spending the evening in front of Netflix.She immediately spotted the letter beside the door, she scanned it while taking a tentative step forward. When she was near enough she recognized Lena’s handwriting and relaxed instantly. The corner of her mouth unconsciously lifted up. It was odd that Lena left her a letter but she took it nonetheless, she opened it hastily and began to read on her way to the couch.





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> no beta, all mistakes are mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, all mistakes are mine.

 

 

Lena kneeled in front of the door.  This was it, she let her forehead rested against the rough material and took a deep breath, she tried to swallow the lump in her throat uselessly. Here she was, she had made up her mind, this was the best thing to do for preserving herself. She slipped the envelope under the door, took several deep breaths and stood up. She gathered her purse, straightened her back and walk away without looking back.

 

 

***

 

 

Kara stepped into her apartment through the open window after a harassing day between her two jobs. Because of Reign threat, she barely had time to go to Catco, and when she was there she had to suffer through Snapper’s lectures. She had finally a night off, there was nothing she could do at the DEO and Catco was closed for the night. So she had planned on putting her pajamas on and spending the evening in front of Netflix.

 

She immediately spotted the letter beside the door, she scanned it while taking a tentative step forward. When she was near enough she recognized Lena’s handwriting and relaxed instantly. The corner of her mouth unconsciously lifted up. It was odd that Lena left her a letter but she took it nonetheless, she opened it hastily and began to read on her way to the couch.

 

 

_Dear Kara,_

 

                _I know it must seem odd to you that I wrote you a letter knowing that we see each other almost every day. But I’m unable to say this to you, I have tried more than once, but words refused to left my mouth, so I wrote it down on paper instead. I’m sorry to be such a coward._

 

_You have been my only friend in National City. If I’m perfectly honest for a long time you have been my only friend. Since the day you entered into my life you have been a wonderful friend and for that I’m grateful._

 

_But here is the thing, I never had a friend like you before, and when I began to feel something for you, at first I thought it was the normal evolution of a friendship. Then my feeling gets stronger and I realized that I was falling in love with you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, all the time, I couldn’t focus on my work anymore. I tried to fight these feelings, God knows I tried. But I’m too weak and they continued to grow despite myself._

 

_You always have been there for me, every time I needed a friend, even when I didn’t know I needed one, you were there. And it part of the problem, nobody has been there for me before you, nobody believed in me before you, nobody knew me before you. I let you in, through my walls, and you took residence in my heart. Then I thought, we could still be friends, I could hide my feelings and act like nothing happened. And for some time it worked._

 

_I’m not proud of it, but I tried to make you jealous, or at least have a reaction from you, by dating James, but when I came talk to you about it, you didn’t care, you gave me your approval. So I tried to transfer my feelings to you on James, he is a sweet man._

 

_But it became unbearable to watch you and not telling you that I’m in love with you, it became unbearable to live beside you knowing it will never have an us. It’s unbearable to see you suffer because of Mon-El and wish it was me instead of him. It became unbearable to be with James. It became unbearable to see you didn’t care. I wanted you to be jealous, I wanted you to care, I wanted you to love me. I feel so selfish that I’m barely able to look at myself in a mirror. I can’t live like that anymore._

 

_So I made a decision, the only one I could think of to stop suffering in silence. I move out from National City. When you will read this letter I will already have left._

 

_Know that I deeply love you, and I wish you the best. I know it can’t be with me. Please don’t try to find me and respect my decision._

 

_With all my love. Always._

 

_Lena._

 

Kara had moved toward the couch while reading. After the two first paragraphs, she smiled fondly at her friend quirkiness. She shook her head and stopped reading to settle on the couch in the comfiest way, and quickly hesitated to stop reading to get change, before dismissing the thought.

 

She resumed her reading. She loved Lena’s handwriting, elegant and all in sharps curves, it suited her. Her smile disappeared along with the third paragraph and she reread it three times to be sure she understood what Lena was writing. Her friend was in love with her, but how? She didn’t even know that Lena was interested in women, let alone in her. How could have she missed it? Everybody called her oblivious, but this was beyond understanding.

 

Kara’s heart clenched when she read the fourth paragraph, she knew that Lena hasn’t had an easy life, being adopted by the Luthor and living with them hasn’t been easy, but knowing that she made her friend suffer, even if she couldn’t do anything about it, saddened Kara. Lena didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve to be seen like a pariah because of her brother’s actions, she didn’t deserve the way Lilian treated her, she didn’t deserve a lonely life.

 

Kara’s frown deepened through the fifth and the sixth paragraphs, it was so uncharismatic coming from Lena to be selfish, she was one of the most selfless people that Kara had ever met, she had been ready to sacrifice herself to save National City inhabitants, not that Kara was supposed to know that but Supergirl knew. It didn’t make sense, even after rereading the paragraph and the previous one, Kara couldn’t understand.

 

Then came the seventh paragraph, three sentences, thirty-four words, which broke Kara’s heart. Lena had left, because of her. She was gone. Kara jumped on her feet, ready to look for her friend. She creased the paper in her fist and flew through the window straight to L-Corp’s building. She landed roughly on the balcony and walked in the dark office. It took her some time to get used to the lack of light, but when she finally saw clearly, she only found boxes in place of what used to be Lena’s office. Everything has been packed.

 

Kara went out, carefully closed the balcony’s doors after her and flew to Lena’s penthouse. When she landed, less than gracefully, on the apartment’s balcony, her knees were shaking, she was afraid of what she could find in there. She slowly opened the door and entered. She had never come here and only knew the address because of the DEO’s investigation when Lena moved in. she looked around and found nothing, no furniture, no boxes, nothing. Lena was gone.

 

Kara took a shaky breath and looked at the letter in her fist. She tried to smooth out the paper without tearing it off with her trembling hands. And she read.

 

 

_Know that I deeply love you, and I wish you the best. I know it can’t be with me. Please don’t try to find me and respect my decision._

_With all my love. Always._

_Lena._

 

Kara felt on her knees and cried. She just lost her friend, the only one who made her feel human, the only one who never expected her to be super, the only one she wanted to call at the end of the day. And she gets it, she felt selfish, because she was mourning the loss of her friend, thinking of what she would miss, and forget why her friend has left. She fell on the floor of the empty apartment and stayed there in fetal position Rao only knew how long.

 

And she thought, she thought back at all her encounters with Lena, looking for a hint, something which told her Lena had feelings for her. She saw the lingering touches, the eyes contacts longer than they should last, the phone calls, the texts. She finally saw all of those, and felt responsible, she let it happened, she wanted a friend just for her so badly and she made her leave. And she cried herself to the sleep on the hardwood floor.

 

When she woke up, she was lost and didn’t recognize where she was. Then the event of the past night hit her hard and she sobbed. Lena had left.

 

She stood up, her muscles sore because of the night spent on the floor. She flew back to her apartment, stripped out of her suit, put on the first thing she found and crashed on her bed. She needed to think. She went through the letter one more time, and stopped at the part about James, she tried to know what she thought about it, after all, she hadn’t seen James or Lena since then, J’onn was the one who gave his approval, not her.

 

She felt it, the sting of jealousy, but was it real, or was it because Lena talked about it? It was impossible for Kara to be sure. She went through their encounters one more time, but this time looking for her feelings. Everything was biased by Lena’s revelation. She couldn’t know if she was in love with her best friend or if it was the mirror of Lena’s feelings.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading.  
> I hope my mistakes didn't spoil the story.  
> I would love to know what you think about it.


	2. Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, I hope my numerous mistakes don't spoil the story.

 

 

Lena entered her new home, disengaged the alarm, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She let her purse fell on the floor and began to visit the place. It was the first time she set a foot into her new apartment, she had missioned a real estate to find her a place and a decorator to buy her furniture. She didn’t want to bring her old furniture in there, it was a new start, once more.

 

She had hesitated for a long time before choosing her new hometown, but this time she didn’t move her companies’ headquarters with her. She could work from here, and trust her two CEOs to make the best decision in her absence. And she had hesitated even longer, before choosing the neighborhood.

 

She had settle for a tree stories house in a town named Neuilly Sur Seine, she couldn’t pronounce it perfectly despite her years learning French. The town touched Paris and was where the richest lived. She had chosen it instead of a penthouse in Paris because she wanted to be far away from cars and noise, she wanted a house with the advantages of the capital. She was two minutes away from the subway, and she really hoped she will be anonymous here in France. French people were known to be disinterested in everything which happened everywhere except in France.

 

She continued her visit and found her office on the second floor, it wasn’t ideal to receive meeting but she didn’t plan on it. She wanted to keep her location secret. There were only three people who knew where she was, the real estate, the decorator (and they have signed NDA) and Jess, she trusted her secretary with her life, and would have asked her to follow her here if it hadn’t been too much to ask. Jess has already followed her across the country, moved in a new country was definitely too much.

 

When she finally had finished her tour, she decided to treat herself and went out for dinner. She could as well visit her new hometown. After a quick search on the internet for a restaurant which met her exigence, she walked outside.  It didn’t take long before she was lost, between the lack of indication in the subway and the name of the street which all seemed to be the same.

 

“Excuse me, can you tell me where the street named archives is, please” She reluctantly asked people who crossed her path and was met with the same kind of answers:

« Je vous comprends pas » for the less pleasant, or, « je suis désolé je ne parle pas anglais »

 

“I don’t speak English” or “I don’t know I’m a tourist” or even the combo « je suis un touriste et je ne parle pas anglais, désolé. » It was beyond her understanding why French people refused to speak English. And where were the Parisians? First day here and she almost regretted her choice, maybe London would have been better, but she was afraid of being recognized there.

 

She finally found her way and her first thought when the waitress brought her plate was for Kara, she would have loved the place and the food, Lena had a hard time to keep herself from taking a picture of her plate and sent it to Kara. So much to run away from her feelings, and here she was. Maybe time and distance would overcome her love for the blonde.

 

 

***

 

 

Kara woke up to the sound of someone barging in her apartment, she stood abruptly up, hoping it was Lena. She met Alex in the living room and deflated instantly.

 

“Happy to see you too and alive,” Alex said sternly, crossing her arms in front of her and took in Kara appearance. The blond had red puffy eyes, she wore her T-shirt inside out and an old short. Kara only response was a grumble. Alex guided her sister toward the couch and sat beside her.

 

“What’s wrong, I thought you had a good talk with Mon-El, is it the Leslie thing?” Alex asked, she knew her sister blamed herself for Livewire’s death, but she hadn’t thought it was that bad. Kara didn’t answer and handed to her sister Lena’s letter. Kara slumped deeper on the couch and closed her eyes, waiting for Alex to read. The agent took her time to be sure she clearly understood.

 

“Where did you find it?” she asked Kara, her brain jumping instantly to the possibility of abduction.

 

“Under my door, why?” Kara finally spoke.

 

“Are you sure it’s from her?”

 

“Yes, I recognize her handwriting, and I went to her office and her penthouse, she moved out” Kara replied defeated.

 

“And what do you feel about it” Alex gestured the letter in front of Kara.

 

“I… I don’t know, and it won’t change anything, she left and she doesn’t want to see me again”

 

“Kara, do you love her?” Alex moved closer, she rested a hand on her sister's thigh, trying to convey her support.

 

“I don’t know” Kara answered angrily, “I’m sorry, I’m so lost, I thought we were friends, I never questioned my feelings toward her and now I… I don’t know” Kara let her head fall in her hands and sobbed.

 

“Oh, Kara I’m sorry” Alex wrapped her arms around her sister’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug, trying to comfort her. “But are you gay?” she suddenly asked, she never questioned Kara’s sexuality, and now she felt a little bad, she assumed she was straight maybe wrongly.

 

Kara lifted her head and eyed Alex for a long time before speaking. “I don’t know” she replied and cried even harder.

 

“Shh, shh, I’m here, it doesn’t matter, I’m here” they were far from the talk Alex thought they will have.

 

“I never questioned my sexuality before, not even when you came out. But I don’t know, I can’t affirm I’m straight, I’m not gay because I know I loved James…. Oh James… have you some news from him?”

 

“No, I haven’t heard from him lately, sorry”

 

“Maybe I should call him?” Kara asked, and Alex didn’t know what to answer.

 

“Maybe, you should sort out your feelings before calling him,” Alex whispered.

 

“I’m not sure, it’s a great idea knowing there is nothing I can do, I need to move on.” Kara stood and headed to her room to retrieve her phone which was charging on her nightstand.

 

Alex saw her sister built up her wall and ran away from her feelings, she has seen her doing it months ago after Mon-El mess, and she knew it wouldn’t end well. But there was nothing she could do except being there when Kara would crumble down. She heard Kara on the phone in the other room.

 

“Hey James, how are you?”

 

She couldn’t hear James answers, but she could guess it wasn’t good from Kara’s voice.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, what happen?”

 

“Did she give you an explanation?”

 

“Do you want me to come over?”

 

“No, ok, I’m here if you need anything, bye.”

 

“So?” Alex asked when Kara joined her on the couch.

 

“She didn’t tell him anything except that she needed time and place, and that she thought it was better if they ended thing between them. She let him in charge of Catco and didn’t tell where she went.”

 

“And how do you feel about that?” Alex tried to force her sister to talk.

 

“I'm relieved she didn’t tell him the real reason, Am I bad because of it?” Kara genuinely asked.

 

“No, of course not Kara” Alex hugged her sister again, and heard her sigh of relieving against her chest. “Talk to me please Kar’, don’t close yourself,” the agent said after long minutes of silence.

 

“I don’t know what to say” the blonde replied lost in her thought. “I hope she is doing well,” she said absentmindedly.

 

“Who? Lena?”

 

“Yes, I care for her despite what she thinks”

 

“I know you care, I sure she is fine wherever she is”

 

“I hope so”

 

Alex’s phone rang, they parted and Kara went to her room to get ready for the day, she was already late and knew Snapper would chew her ass for it.

 

“Kara, J’onn waits for us at the DEO,” Alex said.

 

 She could already see Snapper angry face screaming at her for not coming in today, and the thought wasn’t heartening. She stepped into her suit and joined her sister in the living room.

 

“Do you want a lift?” She asked opening her arms, Alex groaned but stepped into her arms nonetheless.

 

“Ok Supergirl, to the DEO please.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I love hearing from you.


	3. Small World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all mistakes are mine, sorry!

 

 

After a month, Lena had found her mark and her rhythm, she enjoyed the Parisian life. Her time was split between her personal lab, doing research, her home office, and her wandering in town. She hadn't realized how much she missed doing research until she found herself alone in her lab the first week. At first, it was bittersweet, it reminded her too much of her time spent in a garage with Jack, trying to find a cure for cancer. But with time she learned to cherish the memory.

 

Today was a normal day, after her morning work-out, she headed out to drink her coffee while going through her emails and reading newspapers. She sat at her usual table, in a small café near her house, and treated herself with a croissant. She was halfway through Le Monde when someone stood beside her. She lifted her head and found a small red-head woman, pretty attractive, she scowled herself at the thought, who looked at her with a friendly smile. She lifted a questioning eyebrow.

 

“Est-ce que cette place est libre?” The woman asked with an American accent. Lena looked around the café, ready to send the woman to another table when she saw that all the table was currently occupied. She gathered her belonging and nodded. The red-head sat and extended a hand above the table.

 

“Merci, Je suis Lucy,” She said with a flirty voice and a predatory smile.

 

“Lena” The dark-haired woman answered with a gracious smile, she wasn’t sure how she wanted it to lead her. Maybe she could enjoy herself a little.

 

“I wasn’t sure it was you,” Lucy said and Lena instantly tensed, was it a trap? How could have she been so careless, after a month of being anonymous, she had forgotten the danger lurking around her name. “Don’t worry, I don’t mean you any harm” Lucy was prompt to add seeing the change in Lena behavior.

 

“I forget, I could be recognized,” The heiress said packing her laptop and newspaper. She stood to retreat in the safety of her house, hands slightly shaking with nervousness. Then a hand on her forearm stopped her, she quickly jerked backward.

 

“You don’t have to leave you know” Lucy tried to reassure her, “I won’t tell anyone I saw you” she lowered her voice and added, “I’m not supposed to be here, we could be two ghosts sharing a coffee?” She asked hopefully.

 

 “Why?” Lena couldn’t understand why a stranger would want to take a coffee with her.

 

“It’s just that I have been here for months now, and I miss talking in English about something else than work.” Lucy said sincerely, “And I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to talk to a beautiful woman”.

 

“Thank you… I guess” Lena dunked her head slightly, she knew she was screwed, she missed talking in English with someone who could understand her without having to repeat the same thing thrice, and the compliment was nice too. She sat back in front of the charming stranger.

 

“God, you know how much I could make if I gave a call to National City media?” Lucy said absentmindedly, Lena began to stand again, thinking about her run away. “Hey, hey, calm down, I was joking, maybe it wasn’t the best thing to say, but I thought we have established that I couldn’t tell I saw you, remember? I’m not supposed to be here”

 

“I don’t joke about it, my life depends on my anonymity,” Lena said sharply.

 

“Ok, I won’t do it again” the red-head held her hands up in surrender.

 

“And your argument only stands if I knew who you are and what you do for living, for now, you’re the only one holding the intel” Lena pressed.

 

“It seems fair, unfortunately, I can’t tell you what I’m doing except that I’m a lawyer” she extended her hand one more time, Lena shook it “Lucy Lane” and retrieved it immediately.

 

“You have to be kidding me” the heiress groaned.

 

“What?” Lucy asked genuinely, before the realization downed to her, “Oh, yes, you know my sister and my brother-in-law”

 

“I wouldn’t say that I know them, but our path crossed, and it wasn’t exactly pleasant”

 

“I’m sorry about them, we are not exactly close anyway, and you know Jimmy?”

 

“Jimmy… I don’t think so”

 

“I heard you bought Catco, and let him in charge when you …. Disappeared” Lucy trailed off.

 

“Oh, you mean James?” Lena asked. “You seemed well aware of what happened in National City?”

 

“Yeah, yes I worked at Catco for a short period of time, and…” Lucy rubbed the back of her neck, “Jimmy is an ex, so I keep an eye on him” then added quickly, “Not in a stalker way, I just want to be sure he is fine”

 

Lena laughed nervously and cleared her throat, of course, she had to run in James ex, and Clark Kent’s sister-in-law here, how much unlucky could she be?

 

“What was that?” Lucy pointed out Lena strange behavior.

 

“I may have a thing with James shortly,” the dark-haired woman said shyly.

 

“No way! You and James?”  Lucy laughed, sincerely laughed, Lena was at lost. “And you ran away because of him?” Lucy asked laughing even more.

 

“No! … Not exactly…” Lena wasn’t sure how much she wanted to disclose, the woman in front of her had a link with the Daily Planet, and she didn’t want to see her personal life in the front page of the next issue. But she felt the need to talk, to put it out of her system, and the red-head seemed nice. Last time she felt such a connection with someone she barely knew it was Kara.

 

“Oh my God, I want to know all of it,” Lucy said when she calmed down, “I mean if you want to talk.”

 

“I’m not sure I can trust you, and it highly personal”

 

“I understand” Lucy took a look at her watch “What about, I invite you tonight, for a dinner, we could learn to know each other” The red-head winked. Lena knew she was screwed, would she really repeat the same pattern which led her here?

 

“Why not, where and when?” She found herself answering against her better judgment. Lucy extended her phone toward her.

 

“Put your number in it, I will text you the details”

 

Lena hesitated for a long time before doing as told. She could change her number if something went wrong. Lucy called her.

 

“Now you have my number too, I’ll see you tonight” Lucy stood up and disappeared into the flow of tourists in the street.

 

Lena walked back to her house shorter after Lucy left. She smiled, it was good to talk to someone, even if she didn’t reveal anything. Just being able to talk, was liberating. She wasn’t aware how she missed it until now. Maybe she could make a friend of Lucy. She had a hard time to silence the voice in the back of her head, repeating that it was a bad idea, it could be a trap. But she wanted to give it a try, she needed someone to break the loneliness of her life. She was deep in her work when her French phone rang. At first, she had questioned the use of having a French number, but she was glad she had it this morning or she wouldn’t have given her American number to a stranger.

 

**Are you more Italian or Thai food? Lucy.**

 

Straight to the point without preamble, she liked this aspect of Lucy personality. 

 

**No French option? Lena.**

 

**I don’t like fancy (read: weird) dishes. Lucy.**

 

**Haha, I like both, so I let you decide. Lena.**

 

**Au petit Thaï, Rue du Roi de Sicile, 4th arrondissement, 8 pm.** **Works for you?** **Lucy.**

 

**See you there. Lena**

 

Lena resumed her work, harboring a wide smile. She couldn’t wait to see the red-head again. And focusing on her task at hand seemed harder than usual, her mind kept wandering back to the beautiful woman. She silenced her worries by sending an email to Jess letting her know about her plan, if something happened to her at least she hoped she could count on her PA to send someone to rescue her.

 

Lucy waited for her in front of a lovely restaurant at the corner of the street, there were flowers on every window. She wore a little dress which barely covered her knees, and showing almost an indecent among of cleavage.

 

“I wasn’t sure you will come,” Lucy said grabbing her hand and leading her inside, she let her hand go when the waitress guided them upstairs, the atmosphere was cozy, and there was a well-furnished garden on a small balcony. They sat in a secluded corner of the room.

 

“I wasn’t sure I will come.” Lena finally replied truthfully.

 

“I’m glad you didn’t change your mind” Lucy took the menu and scanned it. “I know the secret around my presence here doesn’t help to earn trust”

 

They settled in a little chat and enjoyed each other presence.

 

“You made the news in National City between your disappearance and the change of CEO at L-Corp”

 

“It wasn’t my intention, I had to leave to preserve myself, and of course Sam, the former CEO of L-Corp asked for a personal leave no longer after”

 

“It was bold to name your former PA in charge,” Lucy said nodding and raising her Mojito to salute the choice.

 

“She knows the company as well as me and I trust her, it was the clever choice, moreover pissing the board members was the cherry on top of the cake” Lena replied, raising her glass of wine as well.

 

After a delightful evening, they parted in front of the restaurant with the promise to do it again soon. Lena easily decided it was her best evening since she moved in. It wasn’t hard to compete with her usual lonely evening at home. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much!


	4. Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, all mistakes are mine, I hope these don't alter the meaning or don't spoil the story too much.

 

 

Alex watched Supergirl’s fight on the DEO’s large screens, she was tenser than usual. Not that she was worried for her sister’s safety, Supergirl had the upper hand, as always lately, since they took care of the Reign’s threat, well it was on the way of being handled.

 

No, she was tenser because she could see what others couldn’t. she could see the slightly more forceful blows, she could see the rage sweating from her sister’s usually cheerful demeanor, she could see the light slightly tarnish in her eyes, she could see that the blonde spent less time on the scene after every victory, less time taking selfies with people chanting her name. And that worried her, more than anything. Because Kara had closed herself to the world, and nobody seemed to notice.

 

She had her arms crossed on her chest and stood behind the agents charged to keep an eye on the action. She felt a presence behind her but didn’t bother to look who it was. She knew who it was.

 

“May I help you?” she thought, knowing full well that J’onn was checking her thoughts. It had taken time for her to get used to it, being aware that every time she was in the same room than her superior she has to keep her mind in check. But she had slipped, and it had given some weird talk. She would rather keep her fantasies and the memories of her sex life to herself. She knew that J’onn didn’t want to intrude but he couldn’t quiet the louder thoughts and used his power only when he was worried enough to dig in his close one’s mind.

 

“You are not the only one who is worried” he replied in her mind, she didn’t particularly like when he did it. Actually she hated it, it made her feel like she was becoming crazy, talking with someone without speaking words at loud. But in the present case, it was better if anyone heard then, they didn’t need to have worried agents to handle. Until now Supergirl made her work, and they had nothing to complain about. They trusted her, in fact, they were worried for Kara, and it didn’t concern present agents.

 

“Are you worry because I am, or because of her behavior?” Alex wondered she was sure if she wasn’t overprotective or overreacting here.

 

“I can see it, I’m not blind, I would love to read her mind, I want to help her too, just like you” He replied. Of course, Space Dad has seen it too. Alex was puzzled, it wasn’t her place to talk about Kara’s issues, even if she suspected what all of it was about, they needed to give Kara time and space, if they came to her and tried to force her to talk, it would only push her away from them, and it was the opposite of what they wanted. “I agree with you, you don’t have to tell me, just know that I see it too, and I’m here if you need anything” he added.

 

“God, J’onn, you need to stop, get out of my head,” she thought louder, throwing him a glare before continuing to watch Supergirl, who now had defeated the alien and handed him to the DEO on the scene, barely talking before flying away. J’onn stayed beside her arms crossed on his chest. They looked pretty intimidating like that.

 

***

 

Kara flew away from the scene, she wasn’t particularly tired by the fight, but she felt tired like her limbs weighted heavier with each day passing. She flew back straight to her apartment and changed in her pajamas, which seemed too cheerful compared to her emotional state, but she didn’t want to anyone to know how she felt. She sat on her couch with a pen and her notebook, she had thought that it could help her to write a letter to Lena, not that she wanted to send it to her or even that she knew where to send it. She wanted to respect Lena's choice. But maybe if she could write it down, what she felt, what she thought, it could help her to work it out.

 

 

_Dear Lena,_

_Every passing day is a torture without you in my life, you where my best friend and now I feel so alone, I know I have my sister and my friends, but it’s not the same. I can’t find words to describe how much I miss you. And now I just feel selfish, because I want you back so badly without thinking about what you felt. I can imagine how hard it was for you and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough of a good friend for you, and that I didn’t show you that you could trust me and come talk to me._

 

_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you._

 

Kara cried while writing it, tears smearing the paper and making it unreadable, there wasn’t enough ink on earth to write how much she missed her friend. She crumpled the letter and threw it with all the others unfinished drafts she had written since Lena had left.

 

She stood up and watched outside, it was dark already, the night had fallen without her acknowledging it, it reminded her, her current life, everything and everyone around her kept moving and she was stuck. Life went on and she stood behind. She put her suit back and decided that a patrol could help her to empty her mind. She patrolled for hours, nothing happened, she felt more and more frustrated, she had a hard time to prevent herself to look for Lena heartbeats.

 

She wanted to see the other woman so badly, just to be sure she was fine. She shook her head, she would respect Lena, and not tried to find her or reach her. But she had asked it to Kara, not to Supergirl, so maybe she could just take a look from afar, Lena would never know and even if she knew, there was nothing bad about it. Of course, Lena wouldn’t take kindly being stalked by Supergirl. She was becoming creepy and really needed to stop. She had this internal fight, every day, every minute, she was so tired of it.

 

Why everyone in her life abandoned her? First her parents, then Kal-El, Astra, and now Lena. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She had stopped flying and was sitting on the edge of a building. When she acknowledged it, she discovered that she was on L-Corp rooftop. Even unconsciously she always came back here. She flew back home, she wasn’t needed out there.

 

She entered through the window and sat on her couch, not bothering to undress. She wrote again, but this time she let her rage out.

 

_Why, why did you made your way in my life, to finally leave? Why wanting to become my friend and ripped my heart out? I can understand why you leave me behind, wasn’t I enough. Didn’t I deserve more? You could have talked to me. I could have helped you. But you chose to be a coward, to run away instead of facing me. Didn’t I deserve better than that? You not better than Kal or my parents you just threw me away when I didn’t fit in your life like you wanted. I’m tired of being the second choice. I’m tired of not being enough. You are just like everyone else you used me and left me. But I’m not a fucking Kleenex._

 

Kara crumpled the letter once again not rereading it and threw it in the trash bin with so much strength that it overthrew and every draft scattered on the floor. She could felt the rage coursing through her veins, last time she was in that state it was during her exposure to red K. It scared her and she tried to calm herself, breathing deeply. Why was she reacting so badly? It didn’t make sense, she had lost friends before, but it didn’t hurt her this much. She couldn’t understand why it was different now.

 

She put her pajamas back and fell on top of her bed. Her mental meltdown tired her and she needed to sleep if she wanted to maintain the illusion that she was fine in front of everyone. It became harder each passing days but she didn’t want them to worry about her. She would find a solution in time. She always did.

 

 

***

 

 

Alex let herself in in Kara’s apartment, she called for the blonde and was met by the silence, it wasn’t late and the agent thought that she would find her sister here and that they could share their breakfast. But Kara wasn’t at home. She took on the scene in front of her. There were crumpled papers on the floor all around the main room. Alex put the pastries box and her coffee on the countertop and kneeled to gather the papers.

 

She unfolded once and began to read. Then she stopped abruptly, it was Kara inner thoughts, what she felt about Lena’s departure. It felt wrong to read it, even if she wanted to know what her little sister went through, it felt intrusive, she wanted for Kara to talk to her, not spy on her behind her back.

 

She gathered all the papers and unfolded them trying not to read it, she wanted to keep them and maybe read them with Kara when the blonde felt ready for it. She nonetheless had unconsciously a glimpse of what was written and each word worried her more. She needed to talk with Kara, to help her going through this, and from what she has seen help her sister to realize that her feelings didn’t seem as platonic as she thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos, it makes my day!


	5. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, all mistakes are mine

 

 

The time passing helped Lena more than she thought it will. She spent less and less time thinking about Kara and more and more time thinking about Lucy. Not that she wanted more than a friendship with the woman, she wasn’t ready to put her heart in line again. She wasn’t even sure she would be ready ever again. Her love for Kara left her helpless and broken. She wasn’t naïve, she knew that she was still in love with the blonde, feelings as strong as the one she harbored for the reporter didn’t magically disappear in few months, it took time, a lot of time. But Lucy’s friendship surprisingly helped.

 

They had met a few times now, first at restaurant or bar, then when they became closer, Lena trusted the woman enough to invite her to her home. Trust was maybe a little too strong, she feared less than the woman betrayed her.  Lena seemed able to silence her doubts more than before and let Lucy entered deeper into her life with every encounter.

 

They were sitting at Lena’s kitchen counter sharing a bottle of wine. It was one of the advantages to live in France, the choice in good wine seemed unlimited.

 

“I heard you met Supergirl few times” Lucy stated before taking a sip of her red wine and eying Lena’s reaction. Lena cleared her throat, “What do you think about her?”

 

“She is cute” Lena could feel the buzz of the wine coursing through her veins and put the blame of her answer’s sincerity of on it. She blushed slightly, “I think now that I have a kink for blonde women” the dark-haired woman added absentmindedly.

 

Lucy was astonished by Lena’s answer, she hasn't expected it, she wanted to test Lena’s point of view on aliens, not know her taste in woman. But it answered the two questions. She decided to push her luck and tried to obtain more of her slightly drunk friend.

 

“Blonde women? Want to talk about it” Lucy asked with a smirk. It thankfully pulled Lena out of her train of thoughts.

 

“Hmm, well not really. There is nothing to say about it…” Lena thought, there was no harm to talk a little more. “If I’m totally honest with you a blonde woman is the reason I left National City”

 

“No way!” Lucy exclaimed “I thought you were running away from James or hired killer” the shorter woman laughed, she would have known if the dark-haired woman’s life was threatened, perks of her job, not that Lena knew about it.

 

“What no, James is a sweet guy and I feel bad for the way I used him. And no threats lately, I don’t miss it though.” Lena raised her glass before taking a long sip.

 

“Wow, wow, slow down, too many info all at once. First, may I know the mysterious blonde name? Second, how did you use James? And third, what did you miss?” Lucy asked counting on her fingers.

 

“In fact, the answer is most likely the same to your three questions” Lena laughed dryly. “I don’t want to disclose the name of the mysterious blonde as you called her” Lena pointed at Lucy her pointed finger, then raised a second finger and continued. “I used James to make the mysterious blonde jealous and no it obviously didn’t work.” She cut Lucy’s incoming question short. Then she raised her third finger and said “I obviously missed the mysterious blonde… God it’s weird to call her like that”

 

Lena tried to refill her glass but the bottle was empty, she stood up and walked toward her fridge. She retrieved a bottle of white wine and showed it to Lucy.

 

“Did white works for you?” she asked

 

Lucy nodded absentmindedly, she was analyzing everything Lena just reviled. Her train of thought was cut by Lena’s laughter, the woman didn’t seem this drunk until then.

 

“What’s so funny?” she asked and waited for Lena to calm down.

 

“Nothing I just remember a French idiom I heard once in a restaurant and it made me laugh” the dark-haired woman replied when her laughter died down.

 

“And what was it?” Lucy said she was curious Frenches had weird idiom sometimes that even them didn’t understand properly.

 

“Wait I tried to remember it properly, it’s « blanc sur rouge rien ne bouge, rouge sur blanc tout fout le camp »” Lena seemed proud of herself and Lucy couldn’t hold back her laugh.

 

“What does it even means?”

 

“I had to ask the waiter back then and he said “white on red nothing’s move, red on white everything get out”” they both laughed at how ridiculous it was, then Lena added while opening the white wine bottle “I don’t know if it’s true but I’m not willing  to take the risk.”

 

She winked and filled their glasses to the rim. Then she seemed to remember something, she opened and closed her mouth several times before working out the courage to ask.

 

“you didn’t tell me what you think about Supergirl”

 

“You didn’t answer the question either” Lucy pointed out, Lena raised an inquisitive eyebrow “Okay, I will answer first.” Lucy thought for a minute before answering. “It’s hard to answer without reviling too much” She began and Lena’s curiosity was sting, she leaned forward on the countertop, probing Lucy to pursue. “I worked with her in the past, at first I wasn’t too fond of her, but when I get to know her I began to appreciate and respect her. She went through a lot” Lucy stopped abruptly before saying too much.

 

“Yes,” Lena said dreamingly, “I don’t know her so much, but she inspired me a lot” they fell silent for a moment and Lena added “And she saved me a lot too! But I saved her too once”

 

“That’s impressive! I’m sure National City inhabitant are thankful for this” Lucy said, she hadn’t heard about it, and she would definitely ask for details next time she went to NC if Lena didn’t fill the blank.

 

“They don’t know about it, nobody knows I think apart from the FBI agents who were on scene,” Lena said remembering this dreadful day when she had been forced to choose between Supergirl and Jack’s life. She could feel her throat tightening and tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. She tried to clear her throat to get rid of the unpleasant feelings. It wasn’t such a bad idea to leave NC after all, there were too many painful memories there now.

 

Lucy sensed the shift in Lena’s mood and tried to alleviate the atmosphere with a joke.

 

“So you and Supergirl, is there a gossip here?” she asked playfully and was reward by Lena’s laugh.

 

“God I wish but no, sorry to disappoint you” Lena winked, thankful for the change of subject.

 

“I have to say, I wouldn’t say no neither, but as much as I know she is painfully straight”

 

Lena almost spat her wine at the revelation, she coughed.

 

“I hadn’t realized you were that close,” she said blushing at the thought of what she disclosed earlier, she hoped her friend wouldn’t reveal it to the heroine.

 

“It’s hard not to, I’m her Cou…” Lucy caught herself just in time, she almost outed Clark and Kara. She hadn’t realized she was that drunk or that comfortable around Lena. She tried to think hard to find a save, Lena didn’t seem to have caught her, she tried to play it cool.

 

“I won’t call you out on your almost slip up” Lena pointed out, so much to play it cool, the woman in front of her was definitely a genius.

 

“Let’s just say that I know her well”

 

“Inside and outside of the suit?” Lena pushed playfully. Lucy coughed and blushed at the thought of Kara, what would think innocent Kara if she knew what they were talking about.

 

“Not in the way you think”

 

“I always wondered what Supergirl look like when she doesn’t wear her suit, not in a devil, Lex way, more like I’m just curious, did she even have a secret identity?” Lena asked eying her glass, she wasn’t waiting for an answer and didn’t think Lucy would have the answer, she was just speaking her thoughts aloud.

 

Lucy tensed on her stool, this talk took a dangerous turn, and she didn’t know how to change of subject without being suspicious. Finally, Lena spoke again and it wasn’t what Lucy expected.

 

“How it is to have a sibling, I mean a real one, not one who became insane, a loving one?” Lena asked her train of thought dragged her straight to Lex, and the alcohol helped her to open up.

 

“I don’t know, I not exactly in the right place to talk about it” Lucy answered truthfully. Lena’s head snapped up astonished by the answer. “I mean, my sister didn’t turn evil, but we are not close” Lucy laughed dryly. “That’s the understatement of the year”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know” Lena felt bad for bringing up a sore subject.

 

“How could have you? Let’s just say that I’ve done everything my father wanted for me contrary to my sister, but she is still his favorite, even if she didn’t care”

 

“It seems that we have more in common than we thought,” Lena said draining her glass.

 

“We should write a book: “how to overcome the weight of your sibling and the deception in your parents' eyes” I’m sure we aren’t the only one to live this”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it so far! come and tell me what you think!


	6. Dear Lena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, all the numerous mistakes are mine

 

 

_Dear Lena,_

 

_I stay here, sitting on my couch, Rao only knows how long. I can’t move, can’t bring myself to do something, anything. When I left this morning all the letters were scattered on the floor. When I came back this evening, there were gone. I don’t know who did this or why. So I sat here on that same spot. The one I used to sit beside Alex, for the good or bad time, the one I wished I could share with you. Lena, Where are you? I miss you so much that it hurts, it physically hurts. And then everything comes crashing on me, your absence, your love, my mistakes, my lies, my regrets, my fears, and finally my love._

 

_Why did it take me so long to realize it? Two months since the day you gave me that letter, two endless months since you walked away from me. It hadn’t been a single minute when you weren’t in my mind, in my heart. I didn’t understand why at first, so I tried to write down my feelings, that’s my job after all- writing- but the more I dug in my heart the more I felt angry. I’m not used to dealing with this kind of feelings, I lost my world, my all world, my cousin abandoned me to strangers, I was forced to hide who I really was, but none of this got me as angry as I’m now. If I’m honest it got me angry but I could deal with it, I could reason my feelings, understood the reasons. But right now I’m lost I don’t understand why you left, I understand your words, your reasons, but I don’t understand how we ended up here, what could have I done to prevent it? And it’s what makes me angry because I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t see your feelings, I didn’t see your struggles, what kind of friend miss all the signs? I’m so disappointed with myself._

 

_The worst part is that it took me so long to understand that I love you too. When Winn came to me telling me he was in love with me, we worked it out, it wasn’t easy at first, I felt bad for him. He came to me opening his heart and I rejected him, it wouldn’t have been fair to let him believe that there was a chance for us. And with time we became friends again. But with you, when you left, I was so hurt, and I didn’t understand why at first until it hit me. And it’s too late. I have to live with my mistakes, I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I hope that one day you will find the strength to forgive me._

 

_With all my love, always._

 

_Your Kara._

 

For the first time, Kara didn’t crumple it, she let the letter rested on the coffee table. She looked at it for a long time, like it would take life or magically disappeared if she stared at it enough. It was her only plan for the night.

 

Then she heard the sirens downtown and changed in her suit, she could be useful as Supergirl at least. She left her apartment by the window and didn’t hear her sister coming in the hallway. She needed to empty her head and focus on the task at hand.

 

 

***

 

 

Alex had spent the day at the DEO, looking for a solution to cure Sam of Reign. Since the day she came looking for help. Alex hadn’t stopped to try. Sam had accepted to be locked down in one of the DEO cells, for hers and all the inhabitants of National City safety.

 

Alex split her time between her researches in her lab, and spending time with Sam, telling her how Ruby was doing. The agent had grown quickly fond of these two. She took care of Ruby, during Sam’s “leave”. They had set up a story, to Lena, Sam had to take a leave for taking care of a family emergency, luckily, Lena hadn’t asked more questions. To Ruby, they said that Sam had to leave for months for a professional trip. It was hard for Ruby, she missed her mother. But the girl was smart and tried to understand the importance of her mother’s work.

 

But after almost two months of unsuccessful researches, Alex began to worry. She couldn’t keep Ruby in the dark for any longer and needed to discuss it with Sam.

 

“Hey, how are you today?” Alex asked as soon as she entered the cells ward. It was her first stop every morning.

 

“Fine and you?” Sam replied in a lifeless voice, Ruby wasn’t the only one who suffered from the situation.

 

“You can talk to me, you know, you don’t have to fake with me,” Alex said with a small smile.

 

“I know, it’s just …. I’m tired of waiting, I’m losing my patience and I don’t want to snap at you, you did so much for me.” Sam sighed. “How is Ruby today?”

 

“Fine, but she missed you. It’s one of the reasons I'm here today” Alex began rubbing the back of her head.

 

“What? What happened” Sam became nervous and Alex’s hesitance didn’t help to calm her nerves.

 

“Nothing, she is fine, don’t worry please” The agent had moved quickly to approach the glass wall of the cell when she saw no change in Sam demeanor she continued. “It’s just that… it’s been almost two months and we are not any closer to find a cure. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe we should talk to her.”

 

“What NO, we can’t” Sam quickly cut her.

 

“She is smart and with each days, she understands that something is wrong. She can understand. And I’m afraid of her reaction when she will discover the truth if we wait too long.”

 

“She isn’t supposed to discover the truth, you are supposed to cure me and then I will go back home!”

 

Alex rubbed the back of her head, the trust Sam had placed on her was beyond her understanding, and she felt crushed by it. What would happen if she failed?

 

“I studied all I could find on Kryptonian’s database, I even questioned both Supergirl and Superman’s AI, and I found nothing, I’m sorry” Alex dunked her head.

 

“Maybe you should try mine,” Sam said, she refused to lose hope, she couldn’t afford it, Ruby was waiting for her. They needed to find a solution.

 

“What? How?” Alex asked doubtfully.

 

“We could go there together, maybe with Supergirl… just in case…” She trailed off gesturing in front of herself. “You know, if someone we don’t want to see shows up”

 

“We can’t take the risk, I’m sorry”

 

“You need to find a way, it’s our only chance, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here, with Ruby visiting me behind this glass” Sam hit angrily the glass, thanks to the kryptonite's emitter she didn’t have enough strength to break it.

 

“I know you’re frustrated, I’m too, but we will find a way” Alex promised, resting a hand on the glass.

 

“At least talk about it with J’onn and Supergirl, please” Sam pleaded, before falling down on her bed defeated.

 

 

***

 

 

So here was Alex in front of Kara’s door, she had planned on checking on her sister and talked to her about their options to help Sam. She knocked and when nobody answered, she unlocked the door and entered. The light was switch off, and the apartment was only light by the city’s lights. Alex spotted almost instantly the letter on the coffee table and read it.

 

What was that? Where was Kara? Worries crept their way into her mind. She feared the worst and immediately composed Kara phone number. She heard it rang in the bedroom. She was shaking with the fears of what could have happened. She called Winn next.

 

“Schott,” he said as a greeting.

 

“Winn, did you know where is Kara?” Alex asked frantically, her nerves getting the best of her.

 

“Yes, she is with NCPD on a robbery” Winn replied, his voice questioning.

 

“Thank God, did she have her com on?” Alex sighed with relief.

 

“Hmm, yes, what’s all about?”

 

“Nothing, can you tell her to join me at her place”

 

“Yes, will you tell me what’s wrong?” Winn pushed.

 

“Nothing’s wrong Winn, just do it” She didn’t wait for an answer and disconnected the call.

 

She sat on the couch and wait for her sister's return. She sent a text to Ruby to let her know she would be late and that she should go sleep to her friend’s house. When she was sure Ruby was safe and had checked with her friend’s mother, she settled deeper on the couch. She didn’t know how long it took but she fell asleep here.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and commenting, it makes my days!!!!


	7. The cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, all mistakes are mine.

 

 

Kara stepped inside her apartment, weary from the fight. It was a simple robbery, the NCPD could have handled it without her, but she needed to get out of her head. It was pleasant the time it lasted, but once she handled the robbers to the cops, all her feelings came crashing back on her. She dragged her feet across the room, ready to call it a night when she spotted her sister sleeping on the couch. She debated for a minute, should she let her sleep or wake her up? Then she remembered Ruby, if Alex was here, it might be important.

 

She kneeled in front of her sister and tried to wake her up gently.

 

“Alex” she whispered.

 

“Hmm, five more minutes please mom” her sister mumbled in her sleep and Kara chuckled.

 

“Alex, it’s me Kara” Kara tried again, barely above a whisper.

 

“Kara? What are you doing here?” Alex asked rubbing her eyes before looking around and taking on her surroundings. “Shit” she cursed sitting up.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Kara asked, she never saw her sister this lost, she might be really tired.

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I was waiting for you, and I must be falling asleep,” Alex replied, trying to compose herself despite her lack of sleep. “Didn’t Winn tell you I was waiting for you?”

 

“Oh, yes” Kara rubbed the back of her head sheepishly “I forgot, sorry” Kara smiled “What do you want?”

 

“I came here to talk about Sam”

 

“Is she okay? Did you find something?” Kara asked quickly, she wanted to help her friend but she has been caught in her own problems, which seemed irrelevant compared to what Sam was living.

 

“No, nothing, but she thinks that maybe we could find some answers in with her AI” Alex replied, her frustration showing. “She wants to go to her fortress with us, I’m not sure it’s a good idea but I’m out of solutions.”

 

“What does J’onn think about it?” Kara asked she didn’t know what she thought about it, it could be a disaster or help.

 

“I wanted to talk to you first”

 

“well, I don’t know, I want to help her, really, but maybe it’ a little risky, we should talk about it together,” Kara thought at loud, she didn’t want to make a decision now, they could discuss it and shared their thoughts.

 

“Yes you’re right, I’ll arrange a meeting tomorrow”

 

“Okay, do you want to sleep here?” Kara asked “you seem tired”

 

“Yeah” Alex laid back on the couch, “Ruby sleep to her friend house tonight” Alex rubbed her face, she was tired, between the DEO, Sam, Ruby and her worries for Kara, she couldn’t rest. “I think we should talk, in the morning” she added when she spotted the letter on the coffee table. Kara followed her line of sight and sighed.

 

“You’re the one who cleaned my apartment this morning?” she asked with a neutral voice, Alex couldn’t read into it.

 

“Yes I came to share a breakfast with my baby sister, but you weren’t there” she shifted on her side to face Kara.

 

“I went to Catco early, I couldn’t sleep” Kara explained, her face saddened instantly. “Did you read them?”

 

“I tried not to but my eyes caught some words” There was no point to lie, then she nodded toward the letter on the coffee table “I read this one, I’m sorry but I'm worried about you” She rested her hand on Kara's shoulder “You can talk to me”

 

“There is nothing to talk about and we should sleep,” Kara said while standing up and walking away from her sister. “Good night”

 

“Good night” Alex sighed, she really needed to get some sleep, but everything was so frustrating, maybe she should fight her sister, forced her to open up like Kara had done for her. But she wasn’t sure Kara was ready for it. Maybe some sleep would help, at least she hoped.

 

 

When the first ray of sunshine hit Alex face, she grabbed the blanket and turned around to hide her face forgetting she was currently on Kara’s couch. She fell head first on the floor between the coffee table and the couch and groaned loudly. She stayed there for a minute, entertaining the idea of falling back asleep here. But she couldn’t find the sleep anymore, her mind drifting back to Kara. Maybe helping Sam would take her mind off of Lena. Maybe talking with the woman would help to put her problem in perspective. She pushed on her arms and kneeled, her eyes drifting back to the letter.

 

 

_With all my love, always. Your Kara._

 

 

At least Kara had acknowledged her feelings, it was a step forward. Did Kara want to send this to Lena? It most likely wasn’t the case, it looked more like her inner thoughts. Alex wished that Kara would have come to talk to her, instead of writing it down. But it was better than locking it in her and didn’t acknowledge it.

 

Did Kara know where Lena is? It was a hot question here in National City, every media speculated on the heiress' disappearance, this couple with Sam sudden disappearance and Jess being nominated as interim CEO of L-Corp, it had made the news for weeks. But Alex couldn’t muster the courage to ask Kara. And knowing her sister even if she knew she wouldn’t tell, she was too respectful toward Lena’s wish.

 

It was eating Alex alive, knowing that they were both in love and didn’t act on it because they were too stubborn or too coward drove her nuts.  She couldn’t be with the woman she loved because they have different wishes for their futures, and these two weren’t willing to put aside their pride to be together. She felt her anger rose, she needed to do something. But first, they needed to help Sam.

 

Alex stood up and walked toward the kitchen to prepare the breakfast, she opened the fridge and found nothing, it was uncharismatic for Kara. The heroine was a stomach on legs, maybe it was worse than she thought. Alex grabbed her coat and went outside to buy something for their breakfast, it was still early, but after sharing her life with Kara she knew all the addresses opened at every hour of the day or the night.

 

When she came back she found Kara sitting at the countertop with a mug in front of her.

 

“Good morning, I bought breakfast,” Alex said, smiling and showing the bags in her hands to Kara, normally the blonde should have bounced and snatched the bags already. But Kara only nodded, barely acknowledging her presence.

 

“Good morning” Kara replied nonchalantly, resuming her previous activity, which was staring blankly at the kitchen counter. Alex chose to ignore her little sister demeanor and acted normally. She emptied the bags in front of them, fixed herself a coffee and joined Kara.

 

“When do you think you can join us at the DEO,” she asked when the silence became unbearable even for her. Kara looked up from her untouched pastries.

 

“I don’t know, maybe during my lunch break?” She half said, half asked.

 

“You need to eat Kara,” Alex said gently, seeing her sister in this state was slowly killing her. She made a decision, once Sam issues handled she would take care of her sister with or without her accord.

 

“I’m not hungry” Kara pushed the pastries away and drank her coffee instead. Since when did Kara drink coffee? Alex thought, was it possible that she missed so many warning signs concerning her sister's state? Alex shook her head, Sam first then Kara. She needed to prioritize, but Kara wouldn’t last long at this rhythm, she needed to act fast. Hopefully, Sam’s AI would give them some answers. At first, she was against the idea but she ran out of time.

 

 

 

They met at one of the DEO conference room, Sam securely tied with kryptonite emitter, Kara as far away from her as she could without being out of the room. J’onn sat at the end of the table, presiding it.

 

“So I asked you to come here to discuss what comes next regarding Sam's situation.” Alex began, she sat beside J’onn, in front of Sam, and Kara stayed at the far end of the table.

 

“What’s your plan?” J’onn asked, knowing full well his agent, if she had asked for this meeting, she should have an idea.

 

“I talked with Sam and she proposed that we ask answers to her AI,” Alex stated and waited to see J’onn reaction, the man didn’t move and show nothing. She knew that he was reading her mind.

 

“Well what do you think Supergirl?” J’onn asked after a moment of silence.

 

“I want to help Sam, but it could be dangerous” Kara simply said, she wanted to know what others were thinking before arguing more.

 

“Sam?” J’onn nodded in her direction. She straightened on her seat.

 

“As Alex said, it was my idea, so I think it’s clear that I want it, I tired of waiting in a cage, I want my life back, I want to see my daughter, I want it to end.” Sam said trying to hold her feelings and her tears, she really was tired of fighting against Reign.

 

“Do you think you can handle to be there?” J’onn asked, concerns sweating from his voice.

 

“Like this” Sam brought her hands up, showing the Kryptonite emitters tiding her wrists and her ankles. “Yes, not too long though but long enough to have answers I hope”

 

“Alex?” J’onn asked then, knowing full well his agent thoughts.

 

“We run out of options” Alex stated, she was unable to look Sam in the eyes. “Though, Supergirl can’t come with us, it’s too dangerous”

 

Kara moved forward to interject, but stopped instantly when she felt the effect of the Kryptonite, Sam wasn’t as sensitive as her to the rock, and the concentration needed to hold her could be lethal for Kara in less than a minute. She stepped back without a word.

 

“You should stay in standby here, if anything go south we will call you right away,” Alex said reassuringly, but it didn’t calm Kara’s apprehensions.

 

“What will be your contingent?” She asked watching between J’onn and Alex

 

“A full team, twenty men” Alex replied watching J’onn for confirmation, the man nodded.

 

“What kind of weapons?” Kara pressed.

 

“Kryptonite armour” J’onn replied this time eying Alex, who nodded reluctantly. Kara shivered at the thought, it was too much Kryptonite for her liking.

 

“Okay, when?” Kara visibly swallowed her doubts.

 

“Now,” Sam said before anyone else could answer, she looked at them pleadingly.

 

“I was thinking about tonight if it works for everybody,” Alex said, not wanting to rush things too much.

 

“Ok, tonight then,” J’onn said while standing up, “choose your team agent Danvers and brief them,” he said before leaving the room.

 

“Yes sir” she replied and visibly deflated on her chair when he was out of sight.

 

“You’re sure about it?” Kara asked to her sister, then she watched Sam and added “I want to help you Sam, but I would be more comfortable if I could be there” Sam nodded, not looking in Supergirl eyes, it was beyond her understanding why the woman she had try to kill was willing to help her, but she was grateful nonetheless.

 

“Yes, it will be fine, we need to do it,” Alex said before escorting Sam back to her cell. Kara flew away without another word.

 

 

***

 

 

Kara was walking in circle behind Winn chair in the command center, glancing to the screen every now and then. She wasn’t used to stay behind but was fully aware that she couldn’t be there either. As far as she could tell everything went as plan, the team made it to the main room of Reign’s fortress, without meeting any problem. Then they heard guns shot through the com and Kara stopped walking, grabbing Winn’ chair like a life line, putting dents in it, and watching frantically from one screen to another, looking for the source of the noise.

 

She couldn’t focus on what was said, and she saw him, appeared from behind a pillar, gun pointed straight ahead toward Alex, he had recognized her underneath her armour, he smirked and shot twice. Everything slowed down, Kara was frozen in place, she knew she couldn’t make it in time to protect her sister, there was nothing she could do from here, what was she doing here instead of being with the team, she should have go with them. She fell on her knees, her shaky legs were unable to support her weight, she couldn’t watch it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and commenting, you can't imagine how much you enlighten my days!!!!!


	8. Pulling Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the correction.
> 
> by the way, I know nothing about science or genetic or psychology, so let's pretend that it's plausible...

Everything happened so fast. They entered the main room, began to secure the place, then heard gunshots, not knowing where they came from. The agents tensed and Alex saw Coville coming out of the shadows, smirking with his gun leveled at her, firing before she could move. The Kryptonite armor slowed her down considerably. Then she saw someone jumping in front of her and taking the two bullets meant for her.

 

J’onn flew to Coville and hit him hard, so hard, he flew against a pillar across the room and fell to the floor unconscious.

 

“What is he doing here?” J’onn asked, bellowing in frustration and fear for Alex’s life. He turned and saw her kneeling beside Sam’s body.

 

“Why? Why did you jump in front of me?” Alex asked, her voice full of disbelief.

 

“You’re my friend,” Sam said, smiling weakly, like it was enough of an explanation to take a bullet. “And you’re the only one who can help me,” she said before coughing blood.

 

“I’m wearing an armor, and who am I going to help if you die?” Alex said, checking Sam’s injuries. One bullet hit her in her right arm without touching bones. But she took the other one in the mid-chest, and it worried Alex to no end.

 

“You can also say thank you,” Sam said, attempting humor, but then coughing violently.

 

“Save your breath, I’ll take care of you.” Alex turned to one of the agents behind her “Bring me the first aid kit,” she ordered. Sam caught Alex’s hand.

 

“No, find the answer we came looking for, please” the woman whispered. Alex didn’t know what to do. She needed to help Sam now, but they came here for a reason. J’onn might have read her mind because he knelt beside her and put his hand on her shoulder.

 

“Go, I will stay with her, gather all the info you need, I’ll fly her back to the DEO” He said, and Alex  nodded her consent. J’onn took Sam in his arms carefully and flew as fast as he could.

 

When he landed on the DEO’s balcony, he ran inside and laid Sam on the gurney already waiting for them, stepping back to let the doctors help her. He spotted Supergirl still on her knees in the middle of the command center.

 

“Supergirl!” he called, she lifted her head and ran toward him. Then she saw Sam lying unconscious on the gurney.

 

“What happened? Where is Alex?” she asked frantically. J’onn rested a hand on Kara’s shoulder.

 

“She’s fine, Sam took the bullets for her” Kara rushed to Sam’s side wanting to thank the woman but flinched as her body reacted to the kryptonite.

 

“You need to take those off,” she commanded gesturing toward the cuffs.

 

“We can’t, it’s too risky,” J’onn stated, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

“But she won’t heal with these on, she saved Alex” Kara pleaded, she wanted to do anything she could for the woman who saved her sister’s life.

 

“Don’t worry we won’t let her die” J’onn walked toward her and hugged her, nodding to the doctors to move toward the medical wing, while he kept Supergirl here.

 

***

 

Supergirl stood in front of the glass wall separating her from the cell. Sam lay unconscious on her bed, her chest and right arm wrapped in bandages. The doctors had removed the bullets stabilized her and put her back in her containment cell, switching off the kryptonite emitters. It was the best thing to do, she would heal faster this way. Kara knew that, but it didn’t help to soothe her fears. She felt anger rise in her chest, the feeling never left her these days. Her sight went from the monitor showing Sam’s vitals to the woman. She seemed peacefully asleep.

 

J’onn joined Kara and stood beside her. They stayed silent for a moment, and it felt as if he was trying to read her mind even though he couldn’t.

 

“You know there was nothing you could have done,” he finally said, not looking at her.

 

“I know, but it doesn’t help. I still feel guilty,” she replied, they both stared straight ahead. “I hate feeling helpless,” she added after a while. Then she cocked her head and moved to leave the room. “Alex is back,” she said as she hurried out.

 

She joined her sister in the command center, took her in her arms and buried her face in her neck without a word. When she had a hold on her feelings and was sure she wouldn’t burst into tears she stepped back and checked Alex for injuries.

 

“I’m fine” Alex whispered

 

“Are you sure?” even after she checked for herself and despite J’onn’s reassurance she felt the need to ask.

 

“Yes, thanks to Sam, how is she?”

 

“They put her back in her cell and we’re waiting for her to heal herself”

 

“That’s a good news. It means she isn’t in danger,” Alex said. She could see the worry on Kara’s face as she nodded absentmindedly.

 

“Did you find something?” Kara asked.

 

“We don’t know yet. I downloaded everything and brought it back to Winn. We might need your help to translate Kryptonian,” Alex pointed at the screens in front of them covered with Kryptonian symbols.

 

“Of course,” Kara nodded, eager to help with anything she could. She took a seat beside Winn, and they began to work through the thousands of files Alex brought back.

 

In the meantime Alex went to the locker room. She needed a shower and to change out of the uniform covered in Sam’s blood. As long as her mind had been focused on a task it hadn’t botheres her, but now she needed to get rid of it as soon as possible. Then she would check on the woman who saved her life and maybe called Ruby too. She couldn’t shake off the idea that Ruby almost lost her mother today. Even if she couldn’t tell Ruby she needed to hear her voice, made sure she was okay.

 

After she checked on Sam, who was still unconscious and read her charts to make sure the doctors had done everything they could - she trusted them but needed to be sure - she joined Kara and Winn.

 

At first, she had hope Coville could help them find a cure - the man seemed well versed in Krypton’s history - but when she questioned him he laughed hysterically and called her a fool for believing she could do something against a World-Killer. They threw him in a cell in another ward, far away from Sam. She was tempted to throw away the key.

 

“Did you guys find anything?” she asked as soon as she joined them.

 

“Not sure yet, we need to sort this out first,” Winn answered gesturing at the screens.

 

“We did a quick read through it and found the files we need to translate” Kara finished for him.

 

“Well I’m not sure I would call it a quick read on my part, but yeah that what we’ve done,” he said showing the middle screen to Alex. She could see the number of files the two had already gone through. Winn had read almost ten files while Kara was finishing her seventieth. Alex focused on Kara. It had been a while since she last saw her sister using her superspeed to read. Back then they were still in school and Kara was eager to learn everything she could about her new home planet. The text on Kara’s screen never stop scrolling, moving so fast that Alex couldn’t make out the symbols, Kara’s eyes moving back and forth so quickly they were a blur.

 

Suddenly Kara froze, her eyes glued to the screen. She began muttering under her breath frantically, repeating “No, no, no, no, no, no” Alex looked up and recognized few symbols, it read Zor-El. She looked from the screen to Kara then to Winn.

 

“What? What did it say?” she asked. Winn read it once then twice and put his hand on Kara’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said to Kara, then he turned to Alex with sadness in his eyes and looked back to Kara’s screen, reading it once again. “From what I get, Zor-El was the leading scientist on Project World-killer. They took inspiration from the old, forbidden beliefs to create a weapon capable of ending any world they would send it to. They used children for experimentation, psychological conditioning.” He stopped for a moment checking with Kara to see if he should continue. “When they understood it wasn’t enough they modified the genetic encoding of the next generation they experimented on.”

 

“What happened to the previous test subjects?” Alex cut him off.

 

“They killed them,” Kara said, her anger coming through in her voice. Alex put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly to show her support. Then she nodded to Winn to proceed.

 

“Lot of test subjects were born with a malformation or died within the first hours of life. They almost dropped the idea, but Zor-El refused to abandon it and used the same method Kryptonians used for selecting genes to develop a child and choose their traits.”

 

“But I don’t understand” Alex cut in again. “I know Kara was ‘designed’ to join the science guild, but she was free to choose her path despite her genetics. So what’s different with Reign? Why can’t she choose?”

 

“They pushed the selection so far that Reign and Sam are like two different people from what I get,” Winn said squinting as he focused on the screen. Kara remained silent.

 

“So there’s no answer here?” Alex pointed at the screen, clearly frustrated. “We can’t separate Reign from Sam?”

 

“I’m not sure,” Winn answered rubbing the back of his head.

 

“Reign’s appearance was triggered, right? Sam said that Ruby delayed her appearance, right?” Kara began. “So Sam may be the main personality. The host for the World-killer? Sam said she fought her, she says she fights her and that the kryptonite emitters help right?” Kara stood abruptly continued her stream of thought, pacing back and forth in front of them, punctuating her sentences by pointing a finger at them. Alex and Winn watched her, trying to follow.

 

“What was the trigger? What woke Reign up? If we can find the trigger we can work from there, right?” Kara stopped walking looked between them and resumed her pacing. “It could be like brainwashing, you know where people are gradually conditioned to respond to a trigger and do something they would never overwise. And while we can’t do anything to change a genetic code, maybe we could deprogram that trigger and disable Reign”

 

“Wait,” Alex interjected, stopping Kara in her course. “Some viruses are known to modify genome, maybe we can look at that” Alex turned to Winn, “Did it mention what they change? What kind of pattern they follow to modify her genome?”

 

“I can look for it,” he replied, already digging in the files.

 

“We can work on both sides,” Alex continued her thought. “Help Sam fight Reign psychologically by finding the trigger and physically with a virus.” Alex was hopeful for the first time since they discovered that Sam was Reign - they had a plan, it was in the draft stage but they knew where to look, finally. She sighed in relief. They had a long road ahead of them, but they finally knew where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and commenting.


	9. New players

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_bear for the correction.

 

 

 

Alex was waiting at the terminal airport. She had left the DEO earlier, there was nothing more she could do, Sam was slowly recovering from the gunshots, Winn was going through the files they found while Kara was translating the files which could help finding a cure.

 

 

She spotted the tall blonde woman she came looking for. Once she reached her she was engulfed in a tight hug, not as tight as Kara’s hugs though.

 

“Mom, how was your flight?” She asked as soon as she was free from the embrace.

 

“Let’s not talk about it, I’m happy to finally have my feet on the ground,” Eliza replied, she gathered her bags, she had dropped them to hug her daughter, and they began to walk. “How have you been? You seem tired.”

 

“I am,” Alex replied rubbing the back of her neck, she went to take her mother’s luggage but the older woman refused the help.

 

“Why did you ask me to come so quickly? Is everything fine?” Eliza asked she had spent the flight thinking about all the possible explanations for her daughter call.

 

“Not here,” Alex simply stated, eyeing suspiciously around them.

When they were in the car Alex told her mother everything about Sam and Ruby’s situation, and why she needed her expertise in genetic. She left  Kara’s issues aside, they could talk about it later.

  
  


 

Now that her mother was busy at the DEO she thought about it, it wasn’t her place to speak about Kara’s problems when Kara didn’t talk to her. She knew what happened only because she found the letters and read the last one. She hoped Kara wouldn’t be mad about what she was about to do.

 

 

 

She called Winn in her labs, away from Kara and the agents. She had asked him to track down Lena’s location after she has found Kara’s letters the other morning, just in case.

 

“Did you found her?” she asked bluntly when he closed the door after him.

 

“What? Who? Oh,” It took sometimes to Winn to understand what she was talking about. “Yes, but it took me more time than I thought it would. She doesn’t want to be found, she covered her tracks, used hid founds and fake identities.” He began to ramble, counting on his fingers all the issues he went through.

 

“Spare me the details please, do you have an address?” Alex cut him.

 

“Duh of course,” He immediately regretted his words when he saw Alex’s glare. He sat down on her chair and began to tap quickly on her keyboard, opening hid files with all his research and he wrote down the address on a paper. “I’m not sure she will be happy to see you,” He said when he gave her the piece of paper.

 

“Let me deal with her. Thank you Winn, but please don’t talk about it to anybody, especially not Kara.” He nodded “Now go back there, I really need answers to help Sam.”

 

Winn left the room and she stared down to the address, France, she needed to borrow the DEO’s jet and wasn’t sure J’onn would like it, but a regular flight would take too long and she needed to come back to help Sam as soon as they made a breakthrough.

 

 

 

Surprisingly, J’onn agreed, she sped to her apartment packing a bag for few days just in case. She needed to find someone to watch Ruby, Kara and her mother was occupied at the DEO, so she was left to beg the parents of Ruby’s friend, promising she would watch Ruby and her friend for a weekend later.

  
  
  


 

She was on the plane, thinking about what she wanted to tell to Lena. She hoped the woman hadn’t moved on. But if it was the case, she would be there to help her sister to move on too. It would be easier if she knew. Then she thought about the last time she took the plane toward Europe, it was when Kara revealed herself to the world. They had lived some much since then, it felt like a lifetime.

  
  


When she was finally in front of Lena’s door, she had checked the address that Winn gave her three times, she took a deep breath and knocked. The door opened after a minute and revealed Lena, dressed more casually than the agent had ever seen and smiling widely before laying her eyes on Alex.

 

“Agent Danvers?!” Lena asked astonishment wrote all over her face, her smile disappearing quickly.

 

“Miss Luthor,” Alex greeted her.

 

“What are you doing here? How did you find me? Did something happen to Kara?” Lena asked in a rapid succession. Alex could follow her train of thoughts on her face coming from surprise, to anger and finally worries.

 

“Kara is fine, well not fine but nothing serious happened since you left,” Alex replied, she had forgotten her speech.

 

After a moment of hesitation, Lena invited her inside, and proposed her to sit in the living room, Lena served them two glasses of water and came sit across the other woman, waiting for an explanation.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you, I know you didn’t want to be found. But I don’t know what to do. Kara doesn’t know that I came here, she respects your will.” Alex began before being interrupted by a knock on the front door. Lena watched from the door to Alex, and seemed lost. Then she stood and went to open the door.

 

In the meantime, Alex retrieved the letter from her pocket, she took it before she left for France in Kara’s apartment, she read it one more time, trying to find in it what she wanted to say to Lena. Maybe she could give it to her. It would be easier than trying to say these words by herself. But Lena was smart and she could discover Kara secret in it. She heard Lena talking to someone at the door.

 

“It’s not a good time now, I’m sorry something came up,” Lena said.

 

“Have you a hot date in there,” another voice replied, strangely familiar, Alex moved unconsciously her hand toward her gun.

 

“No just a friend in visit,”

 

“Great I can’t wait to meet your friend,” Alex heard footsteps coming despite Lena’s protestations and tightened her grip on her gun. Then Lucy Lane appeared and Alex's mouth fell agape.

 

“Alex?” Lucy asked when she recovered from the shock.

 

“Lucy?”

 

“You know each other?” Lena asked. They glanced at the two of them not knowing what to say or what to do. Alex let go of her gun and asked.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same question,” Lucy replied crossing her arms on her chest and straightening her stance. Lena observed silently the exchange.

 

“I’m here on Kara’s behalf,” Alex stood and faced Lucy imitating her stance.

 

“I’m Lena’s friend,”

 

“Friend,” Alex repeated eying between the two of them.

 

“Yes, friend,” Lena said, tired of being left aside, “Did someone care to tell me what it is about?”

 

“I’m sorry I can’t,” Lucy replied letting her arms felt along her side at the same time Alex said.

 

“She used to date James,”

 

“Ok, so you were friends through James and work together,” Lena said.

 

“What, how?” Alex was astonished by Lena statement even if she knew she was a genius.

 

“Oh come on, give me some credit here,” Lena smiled, “And don’t worry I won’t talk about it,”

 

“Wait, wait a minute,” Lucy had been silent while she thought about Alex presence she turned toward Lena “the mysterious blonde? The mysterious blonde!” she whispered shout, and Lena blushed lightly, “Oh my god,” Lucy laughed.

 

“The mysterious blonde?” Alex asked doubtfully. Lena groaned and walked toward the kitchen.

 

“I will need something stronger than water for this, anyone else?”

 

“Don’t ask me you know the answer” Lucy replied still sporting a wide smile.

 

“I will take the same thing that you then,” Alex said, falling back on the couch. Lucy saw the letter beside Alex and read it quickly while Alex wasn’t looking.

 

“You don’t think about giving it to her,” Lucy whispered pointed at the letter.

 

“What?” Alex was lost for a second “I don’t know, I don’t know what to do, I'm worried about Kara,” She whispered back.

 

“She can’t know about Kara’s secret,” Lucy warned

 

“It’s not your call,”

 

“It’s Kara’s!”

 

“What am I supposed to do, watch my sister sink into depression and do nothing?” Alex whispered shout. “I’d rather tell her secret and see her happy than just whiteness her wallowing and cross my arms.”

 

“It must have another way,”

 

“What all the whispering is about?” Lena asked when she joined them in the living room with three glasses and a bottle of red wine. Alex and Lucy maintained eyes contact, before breaking it and they turned toward Lena.

 

“Kara,” Lucy began, “she is my friend too and Alex is worried about her.”

“That’s why I came here, behind her back,” Alex pursued.

 

“You sneak away from her? Are you sure she doesn’t know?” Lucy asked doubtfully.

 

“Yes, we have your hand full in National City,” Alex replied

 

“I heard about that, any breakthrough?”

 

“Girls, can you not forget I’m here before revealing anything I’m not supposed to hear or enlightening me if you want to pursue because I hate not knowing what we are talking about,” Lena said sternly crossing her arms.

 

Alex didn’t move, considering her options, put Lena in the loops was a bad idea every fiber of herself screamed at her, but she could have an interesting perspective on Sam’s issues and she was Sam’s friend.

 

“You are not seriously considering this!” Lucy shouted, “have you lost your mind?”

 

“You are not in my shoes, you don’t know how hard it is,” Alex barely denied.

 

“As your superior, I forbid you,” Lucy stood abruptly.

 

“You are not my superior anymore,” Alex stood in front of her. “Maybe you should leave, this doesn’t concern you anyway.”

 

“You should calm down first,” Lena began. “Then I will go to my office and close the door so you will be able to talk freely.” Lena stood and walked toward the staircases, then she looked at Lucy and added “And when you will be ready come looking for me.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Saint Patrick's day


	10. Non Disclosure Agreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_bear for the corrections

 

 

 

Lena heard them arguing, she couldn’t make out the words that were said, but she knew they were fighting. After almost an hour it became quiet suddenly, and Lucy came looking for her. They walked back to the living room in silence where Alex was waiting for them. Lena sat in front of them.

 

“So, we made a decision. I called my real superior,” Alex glared at Lucy, “and he agreed with me. You could be helpful”

 

“I can’t believe J’onn followed your advice,” Lucy cut her off, almost pouting.

 

“We have some NDAs you need to sign before we do anything. Do you have a printer?” Alex ignored Lucy’s comment.

 

“Hmm, yes, this way,” Lena escorted Alex back to her office and printed an impressive stack of papers. Lucy and Alex waited patiently for her to read and sign them, exchanging glances and glares. “Once I’ve signed these I definitely want to know what happened between the two of you,” Lena said as she continued with page after page.

 

“She put me in jail,” Alex said crossing her arms in defense.

 

“Stop being a child, I get you out of it too!” Lucy said. Lena watched between them in disbelief, how could they work for a secret agency—from what she gathered from reading a stack of NDAs and still be so childish?

 

“All done,” she said proudly. “So now, can you tell me what this is about?”

 

Alex and Lucy exchanged glances, “What do you want to know first?” Alex didn’t have the time to finish her sentence.

 

“Kara!” Lena said, a little too eager for her liking.

 

“Well, Kara wrote you a letter, she wrote you a lot of letters in fact, but she didn’t plan on sending them to you.”

 

“And included some classified information in it,” Lucy inserted. Alex glared at her.

 

“So we’ve censored the part you’re not supposed to read.”

 

“Even after signing all this?” Lena asked in disbelief. How Kara knew about classified information that Lena wasn’t supposed to know when she just had been authorized to help some shady secret agency was beyond her understanding.

 

“Even after this,” Alex repeated and handed the letter to her.

 

“Are you sure I should read this? Maybe she doesn’t want me to know,” Lena was suddenly worried about what she would find out.

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Alex assured her. The only part censored was the few lines concerning the loss of Krypton, it didn’t change the meaning of the letter. Lucy and Alex had argued about how many words they should hide, but Alex didn’t want to lose too much meaning.

 

They watched Lena reading once, twice, then a third time, and saw her fight back tears before she finally looked up.

 

“Is it true?” she asked in a small voice, barely above a whisper.

 

“Yes,” Alex replied with a smile.

 

“What Am I supposed to do?”

 

“It’s up to you, but I thought you deserved to know,” Alex said. Lena took a deep breath.

 

“Okay, I need time to think, but not right now. Can I keep it?” Lena asked pointing at the letter in her lap.

 

“No,” Lucy said a little bit too sharply.

 

“Not this one, but I’ll give you a copy,” Alex said in her typical big sister voice, glaring at Lucy.

 

“Ok, so now what’s the other thing?” Lena asked, regaining her composure.

 

“You remember Reign?” Alex began

 

“Yes, I thought you guys took care of her since I haven’t heard about her since I left.”

 

“In some ways, yes,” Alex said and braced herself, she knew Sam and Lena were friends. “Just after you left Sam came to me, she thought she was sick, she had this headache and loss of memory, I tried to help her.”

 

“What are you talking about? What does Sam have to do with this? Is she ok?” Lena cut in.

 

“Let me finish and you’ll understand,” Alex said. Lucy was listening closely, she wasn’t aware of most of this part of the situation, having been stationed in Europe. “So I ran some tests, which came back normal, until I tried to take a blood sample and broke all my needles on her skin.” Alex took a deep breath. “Sam and Reign are one and the same, she asked me to help her and since then we’ve been looking for a cure. We’re getting closer, but maybe you could help us,” Alex finished and waited for Lena’s reaction.

 

“Let me get this straight. Sam is a Kryptonian?! She asked you help?! She hid me that she was an alien?! What about Ruby? Where is she? How can I help?”

 

“Umm, yes, Sam is a Kryptonian, yes, she asked for help, no, she didn’t hide the fact that she was an alien from you because she didn’t know. I’m the one who takes care of Ruby, and Sam is actually in one of the DEO’s cells.” Alex gave Lena time to swallow the news before continuing. “We found some intel about genome modification and psychological conditioning that we’re translating the looking into. I asked my mother to help us, but we could use your brain too.” Alex tried to tell Lena the most she could without burying her under too much information.

 

“Ok, ok, ok, when can I have access to the data? When can we leave?” Lena asked.

 

“My plane is on standby, we can leave tomorrow morning if that works for you,” Alex said to Lena then turned to Lucy. “Are you coming with us?” Lena waited expectantly for Lucy’s answer.

 

“No, I have a work to finish here, but I’ll join you as soon as I’m done. I won’t let my new friend down, and I miss National City,” Lucy said, smiling to Lena. During the past month they had grown close. “I’ll go now, you have a trip to prepare,” Lucy stood, closely followed by Alex.

 

“I should go, too,” the agent said.

 

“Alex, wait,” Lena stopped her. “You could stay here for the night. I have a guest room, and I’m betting you didn’t book a hotel,” Lena felt the need to explain herself.

 

“I … I don’t know” Alex was at a loss. She knew Lena, they had spent time together during game nights and with Sam and Kara, but her kindness always surprised her.

 

“I highly recommend her guest room, the mattress is the best I ever slept on,” Lucy smiled, remembering many nights that she’d crashed at Lena’s.

 

“I … okay, thank you” Alex finally agreed.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Lena asked Lucy. Alex stepped back to let them talk.

 

“Yeah. I’m sure you have plenty to do, and I suggest you to talk with Alex. She’s a softy under that tough exterior.” Lucy smiled and winked at Alex. “Good night girls, have fun,” she said to them both. “Everything is going to be fine, call me if you need anything,” she whispered to Lena before leaving.

 

Lena joined Alex in the living room, not knowing what to say.

 

“So, you and Lucy?” Alex asked playfully to alleviate the awkward atmosphere.

 

“So, you and Lucy?” Lena repeated, and Alex groaned.

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“Come on, I’ll show you your room and we can eat after.” Lena walked toward the staircase.

 

Lena began to pack her bag while Alex called Winn for updates. He was still trying to sort out which files were relevant, and Kara had left for Catco.

 

“So how is Lena?” he asked

 

“You’ll be able to ask her tomorrow.”

 

“What, she’s coming come back? To National City?”

 

“Yes, and she’ll help us to find a cure.”

 

“What?” Winn squealed so loudly that Alex was sure Lena had heard him through multiple walls.

 

“Yes, she signed the NDAs and I asked for her help.”

 

“Does J’onn know? Does she know about Kara? I can’t wait to work with her,” Winn said quickly, unable to contain his excitement.

 

“J’onn knows, and it’s not my place to tell Kara’s secret. Oh, and I saw Lucy, she’s friends with Lena,” Alex needed to talk to someone and obviously couldn’t share this with Kara, so she talked to Winn.

 

“Lucy? As in Lucy Lane? How?”

 

“Apparently they met here. How is my mother’s research going?”  Alex asked suddenly.

 

“I don’t know. She mainly talks with J’onn and the other scientists here, but if they had made a significant breakthrough I would know.”

 

“Okay, keep digging. I’ll see you soon.”

 

“Bye, see you.”

  
  
  


“You came here on Kara’s behalf. I wish I had someone like you in my life,” Lena said. They were eating in the kitchen, and they’d been mostly silent until now.

 

“I can’t stand to see her sad,” Alex replied, “not when I know I can do something to help her.”

 

“Thank you,” Lena whispered

 

“For what?”

 

“For being there for her,” Lena said. Alex chuckled. “What?” Lena asked.

 

“You know, each of you is more stubborn than the other, between you, Kara and Sam,” Alex began. “You’re not alone, but you keep acting like it’s you against the world. You’re allowed to seek out help, to ask for advice or simply talk about what’s in your heart.” She shook her head. “I thought you knew that we were friends. At least Sam came asking for help. You should have talked to me.”

 

“To you?!” Lena laughed. “You’re Kara’s sister, her protector and a very intimidating badass sister, and you wanted me to come to you? Me, a Luthor, and ask for help because I’m in love with Kara? I’m not suicidal.”

 

“I don’t see you as a Luthor.” Alex stopped when Lena glared at her. “Okay,” she put her hands up in surrender, “maybe at first I didn’t trust you, but you earned my trust, and now I see you as Lena, one of my stubborn friends.” Alex ducked her head slightly, “If it’s what you want.”

 

Lena wasn’t used to having people be nice to her or see past her name. Hearing that Alex trusted her enough to come here, telling her that she trusted her enough to ask for help and that she wanted to be her friend, Lena felt her heart clench and her tears coming up. She cleared her throat.

 

“I would be honored to have you as a friend,” she finally said when she could trust her voice again. Alex smiled at her.

 

“Now tell me what did you plan to do with Kara?” Alex changed the subject but regretted her wording when she saw Lena smiling and her eyebrow raise. “Oh come on, you know what I mean,” she added.

 

“Sorry, it was too easy! I don’t know, I love her. I can tell you that, but she didn’t plan on sending me this letter, so I don’t know what she really wants. I think we need to talk, but first we need to take care of Sam,” Lena said. She seemed resolute.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	11. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the correction

 

 

 

As soon as they were on the plane, Alex handed Lena a secured laptop. Lena looked at her questioningly.

 

“I thought you would want to begin working as soon as possible,” Alex gestured toward the laptop then around them. “You’re in a secured plane, connected to our network.” Lena hummed in understanding and powered on the laptop, handing it back to Alex to log in.

 

“Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Lena it’s you! Is it really you?” Winn’s voice squealed through the speaker, and Alex chuckled. “I missed you so much.” 

 

“Winn? What? Why are you on my screen?” Lena asked in disbelief.

 

“Duh, I work here,” he said spinning on his chair in what looked like a command center.

 

“You! You work for a secret agency?” 

 

Winn nodded frantically in response, sporting a huge grin. Alex sat beside Lena and cleared her throat, which immediately stopped Winn.

 

“Where is Supergirl?” she asked sternly, she loved Winn like a little brother but he was easily sidetracked.

 

“Obviously, not here,” he answered, moving his arms around and ducking his head to one side.

 

“How is Sam?” Alex asked, worried about her friend. She hadn’t seen her since Sam had taken a bullet to protect her.

 

“She woke up earlier, she’ll be fine. She asked for you.” 

 

“Okay, thanks. Share the intel with Lena so she can begin to work,” she demanded, then she softened when he nodded and began to type on his keyboard. “I’ll let you guys work,” Alex stood and walked far away from them to make a call.

 

“Hey! Where are you? Winn told me you had to leave but he refused to tell me where you are. He’s really afraid of you,” Kara spoke quickly as soon as she answered the call.

 

“I’m on my way home, I’ll see you soon. How are you? Are you holding up?” Alex asked. She was hoping her sister wouldn’t be too mad at her when she found out what she’d done and where she was.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kara replied weakly.

 

“How is mom?”

 

“She spends all her time at the DEO looking for a cure and when she takes a break she questions me on my well being relentlessly.” 

 

“She cares about you, we all care about you Kara,” Alex said, she knew how their mother could be when she was worried about them.

 

“I know,” Kara whined. “I need to go back to work, see you soon?” 

 

“Yeah, love you sis.”

 

“Love you too.” 

 

The phone call disconnected and Alex pondered if she should call her mother or not. She decided against it and began to work on what the DEO had found so far.

 

They finally landed in the middle of the afternoon after almost twelve hours of flight. Lena had found some trails and she couldn’t wait to share it with Winn. When they entered the DEO’s command center, Lena could feel all the agents’ eyes on her. She spotted Winn sitting behind a desk beside Supergirl. Lena hadn’t thought about the heroine since she’d left, they were kind of friends before, but maybe it wasn’t the case anymore. When Supergirl saw her she stood and walked toward her quickly, stopping not far from her. 

 

“Lena! I mean Miss Luthor! What are you doing here?” Supergirl asked and Lena tensed. She wouldn’t have thought that Supergirl would be the one who didn’t want her here. But maybe she had done more damage than she thought when she left. 

 

Supergirl saw the shift in Lena demeanor and corrected the misunderstanding quickly. “No, not like that, but Kara …” The heroine looked between Alex and Lena frantically, “Yes, Kara told me you’d left, so I'm surprised to see you here. But I’m happy! Yes, I’m happy that you came back! Are you coming back for real?” Supergirl rambled, it was so uncharismatic that Lena was at lost. 

 

“I… I’m happy to see you, too,” Lena began weakly. “I don’t know if I’m going to stay.”

 

“Why?” Supergirl demanded and Lena stayed frozen in place for a second.

 

“I have things to sort out, but first I’m here to help as much as I can,” Lena said firmly. She didn’t want to talk about her issues with Kara with Supergirl, and she was in the hurry to help Sam. 

 

Supergirl watched Lena walk past her toward Winn, then she caught Alex’s arm and dragged her away.

 

“What did you do?” Kara asked with a threatening tone, she crossed her arms and waited for her sister’s explanation. Alex sighed. She had hoped she would have more time before this talk, but here she was cornered by Supergirl. She looked over the heroine’s shoulder to make sure Lena was occupied.

 

“I had to, I needed to do something to help you, so I went to her,” Alex ducked her head, she knew that her sister has every right to be pissed off, but she hoped Kara could see that she had done this because she loved her.

 

“What did you say to her?”

 

“I showed her your last letter,” the agent said timidly.

 

“Who gave you the right to show that to her? It was private, my inner thoughts, how could you?” Kara said sternly, she could feel her anger rising.

 

“She loves you, and you love her, it’s stupid to suffer when you could be happy together and have what I can’t have,” Alex raised her voice.

 

“It’s easy for you to say that, but she doesn’t know the truth. Do you really think she’ll still love me when she finds out I lied to her since day one? That she doesn’t know about half of my life, or that I’m an alien?! You really think that things are that simple? Stop comparing our lives,” Kara pointed between them. “You made a choice. You left Maggie because you want to have children and she doesn’t, your choice was simple,” Supergirl jabbed Alex’s chest with her finger so hard that the agent stepped back until she hit a wall. “But my choices aren’t that simple, there is a lot to take in, and you didn’t have the right to bring back Lena. Because what will happen when she discovers the truth and leaves me again? Who is going to be there then? How am I supposed to live after discovering that she doesn’t really love me, ME Kara Zor-El, not Kara Danvers, not Supergirl but the real me?” tears had begun to fall against Kara’s will. She angrily wiped them away with her suit’s sleeve. “How can you take that risk behind my back? Who are you to make decisions for me?” Supergirl flew away without another word, leaving Alex behind.

 

“WAIT!” Alex screamed too late. “Let me explain, I just wanted to help,” she whispered, defeated, before walking toward her lab under the questioning gaze of Winn, Lena and every agent she passed.

 

“What was that?” Lena asked after a moment.

 

“I can’t talk about it, but you’ll know soon I think,” Winn replied truthfully, shaking his head.

 

“Was it because of me?” Lena asked wryly.

 

“It’s a little bit more complicated. Let’s get back to work.” 

  
  
  
  


Once Alex was calm enough, she went to see Sam. She wanted to thank her and told her that Lena was here to help. She hoped she hadn’t screwed up another relationship when she revealed Sam’s identity to Lena.

 

“Lena is here? And she wants to help me? Isn’t she mad at me?” Sam asked weakly, she was still recovering from the shooting.

 

“Yes, yes and no. I hope you don’t mind me talking to her, but I would give anything to help you,” Alex said, sadness in her voice. 

 

“What’s wrong Alex? I haven’t seen you since the shooting and now, look at you,” Sam said, straightening as much as she could with her injuries. “You can talk to me, you know.” 

 

“I… I made a mistake, but I was so sure it was the right thing to do,” Alex shook her head. “I’m sorry I can’t talk about it, I already said too much.”

 

“Okay, but if you need me, you know where to find me. I’m not going anywhere,” Sam joked. “Do you think Lena wants to see me?” Sam asked shyly after a while.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure she wants to. Do you want to see her?” 

 

“I would like that, yeah.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll tell her then.”

 

“Thank you,” Sam whispered, then she laid back on her cot, tired.

 

“I’ll let you rest, see you,” Alex said and left the room. Sam watched her go before falling asleep.

  
  
  
  


When Sam opened her eyes again she found Lena smiling at her from the other side of her cell’s wall. She sat with some difficulty.

 

“Hey,” Lena whispered, “How are you?”

 

“Hey,” Sam replied and cleared her throat, “I have been better, how are you?” 

 

“I…. I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, you should have called me,” Lena shifted from one foot to the other. She wasn’t sure how to act. It was weird seeing her friend in a cell and obviously injured. Alex had warned her, but nothing could have prepared her for this.

 

“Yeah, well, you left without as much as a text, and your hands seemed full so I thought I could handle it by myself, until I couldn’t and I asked Alex for help. It seems it was the right call since she’s equipped for this kind of situation,” Sam moved her good arm around, gesturing at the cell. 

 

“What happened?” Lena nodded toward Sam’s injured arm.

 

“Long story short, I took two bullets to protect Alex,” Sam smiled in reassurance. “I’m healing, don’t worry. But tell me about you, how was your vacation?” 

 

“You mean my run away from home,” Lena said in self-deprecation. “There’s nothing to say”

 

“Come on, I need something to occupy my mind, please,” Sam pleaded. Lena walked to the corner of the room and took a chair, she dragged it in front of Sam’s cell and sat. “This bad?” 

 

“Well, let me start from the beginning.” And Lena told Sam everything, from Kara to Lucy and Alex, and her return to National City.

 

“You are definitely a coward, and I say that with all my love,” Sam smiled. “What are you doing here? You should go talk to her.”

 

“No, I need to be here with you, the rest can wait. Speaking of, I should go back to work.” Lena stood up but stopped, “Unless you want me to stay.”

 

“Go, I need to rest anyway,” Sam replied and laid back on the bed.

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and commenting


	12. Meeting Eliza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Rebellion_Bear for the corrections  
> 

 

 

Lena walked out of the cell’s ward and got lost in one of the numerous corridors of the building. In her defense, this place was huge. She saw someone at the other end of the corridor.

 

“Excuse me,” she said loud enough to be heard. The woman turned around and walked toward her, she was blonde and was wearing a lab coat.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I think I’m lost, I’m looking for the command center,” Lena said sheepishly.

 

“You’re Lena Luthor right?” the woman asked and Lena instantly tensed.

 

“I… Yes,” she replied, not sure of what would come next. She knew she wasn’t welcomed here, and most of the agents were defiant toward her.

 

“Nice to finally meet you,” the woman extended a hand and Lena took it, eying the blonde questioningly. “I’m Eliza Danvers. Kara talks a lot about you. n fact, she used to talk a lot about you.” 

 

“Doctor Danvers, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Lena replied, she didn’t know how to take the implication behind the woman statement, so she ignored it. “I read all your publications, I admire your work”

 

“You did?” Eliza seemed genuinely surprised.

 

“Yes, in fact, I was planning to come see you. I wanted to talk with you about what I found so far, and Alex said you were here.” Lena was telling the truth, she admired the woman’s work, and couldn’t wait to work with her.

 

“Are you needed up there or do you have some time now?” Doctor Danvers asked.

 

“I… I think I have some time now. Winn was trying to translate some files when I left earlier.” 

 

“Then follow me, my lab is just around the corner,” Eliza led the way to her lab. 

 

Lena was astonished by the materials on display here. There were a lot of alien technologies, she could easily spend her days here and never get bored. She dreamt of having some of these technologies in her own lab. The women shared what they had found so far. And Lena finally felt useful, she could talk about her theories and hold them up to to the reality with Eliza. 

 

They lost track of time until Alex joined them in the lab. She had a takeout bag and put it on Eliza’s workstation before turning toward Lena.

 

“Here you are! Winn lost you and started to worry. I see you met my mom.” Alex smiled at Eliza, “I brought you something to eat, but I didn’t know you had company.”

 

“We were working on our theory,” Lena felt the need to defend herself. “I hadn’t noticed the time.” 

 

“Hey, it’s alright. We were just worried that you got lost and couldn’t find your way back, this place can be a real labyrinth,” Alex shook her head, thinking about the numerous times she had looking for Winn when he first started working here.

 

“Kara was right, she really is a genius,” Eliza said after she took a bit of her salad. Lena ducked her head shyly, she wasn’t used to being praised.

 

“I know she is, it’s why I wanted her here,” Alex continued. Lena cleared her throat and tried to compose herself despite the light blush on her face.

 

“I should get back to Winn,” Lena stood up, but Alex stopped her with a hand on her forearm.

 

“You can stay here if you want. Winn is still trying to translate some files,” Alex explained.

 

“Supergirl didn’t come back?” Eliza asked.

 

“No, nobody’s heard from her either,” Alex ducked her head.

 

“You need to go looking for her,” Eliza said.

 

“I don’t think she wants to see me,” Alex replied, not meeting her mother’s eyes. 

 

“You need to apologize for what you’ve done,” Eliza said bluntly. Alex lifted her head and eyed her mother doubtfully. Lena watched the scene, not quite sure she should be here. “I know you did it for her, and she knows it too, but you need to see her point too.” 

 

“How… how do you know?” 

 

“I’m your mother, I know you. Now go before Winn wears himself out. We can’t do it without her.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll send Vasquez with something to eat,” Alex said to Lena before leaving.

 

Eliza watched her daughter leave, then turned toward Lena. She stayed silent for a moment.

 

“Lena,” Eliza began and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I need to warn you, I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Kara and I don’t need to know the details, but I need to know what your intentions are.” 

 

“What?” Lena asked totally lost, “What my intentions are regarding what?” 

 

“I know Kara loves you, I don’t need to be a genius to see it, and I’m pretty sure you love her too.”

 

“I… I…. Yes,” Lena finally confessed, she ducked her head, somewhat ashamed.

 

“I just want to be sure that you’re sure of yourself, that you won’t run away again.” Eliza watched Lena closely before continuing, “She’s strong, she is easily the strongest person I ever met. But when it comes to her heart she can easily be hurt, and I don’t want her to suffer uselessly, so what are your intentions?”

 

“I… I don’t know, I don’t even know what she wants.”

 

“I want to believe in you, I'm sure that you’re a good person. My daughters think you’re a good person. I'm ready to let you into our family but you need to be sure,” Eliza pressed.

 

“I can’t be sure of anything.” 

 

“I’m not asking you to tell what your future is, I’m asking you to be sure of your feelings,” the woman explained.

 

“My feelings are the only thing I’m sure about. I love her with all my heart, I don’t want to hurt her. I left because I was afraid of losing her,” Lena said truthfully.

 

“Fine, so talk to her,” Eliza went back to her work without another word.

  
  
  


Alex found Kara on the Catco’s rooftop. She walked slowly toward her sister and sat beside her on the edge.

 

“Hey,” she whispered somehow afraid of spooking her sister.

 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Kara replied, but Alex knew that if she wanted she could fly away, so she decided to say what she’d come to say.

 

“I came here to apologize. I shouldn’t have shown her your letter, you were right I had no right to do it.” Kara stayed quiet but Alex went on. “I love you Kara, and it's killing me to see you so sad I thought I needed to do something for you like you did for me when you brought me back to Midvale.”

 

“I drove you to Midvale, I didn’t seek out Maggie, taking your choice away from you,” Kara finally looked at Alex angrily. The agent raised her hands in surrender.

 

“I know I made a mistake, I’m sorry.” They stayed silent for a moment. “Can you please come back to the DEO? We need you there, we can’t do it without you. If you won’t do it for me, do it for Sam, please.”

 

Kara looked away quietly then flew away. Alex stayed there watching the National City skyline in the night. She hoped her sister heard her, but there was nothing else she could do so she went back to her apartment. Ruby needed her too.

 

Supergirl landed on the DEO’s balcony and walked toward Winn. She sat beside him without a word and began to translate every file that left. If she used her superspeed she could be done in few hours. Winn eyed her curiously at first, but thought it was best not to ask questions. He would know eventually.

 

Kara lifted her head from the keyboard and stretched her muscles, finally done. She was about to stand up when Winn stopped her.

 

“Lena is with Eliza in the lab,” he said. Kara looked at him questioningly but said nothing. “Go find her, talk to her,” he gestured in front of her, and slowly the realization of what he was trying to say dawned on Kara.

 

“Do you want me to tell her my secret?” she asked in disbelief.

 

“Yes, you wanted to tell her before she left, and now she’s back, but we don’t know for how long. I think you should, you know, if you still want to.”

“And what if she hates me?” Kara let her head fall into her hands, she knew she had to tell Lena the truth, eventually, but she wasn’t ready to lose her once again. “And she’s working now, Sam is more important.” 

 

“I need to sort out what you translated, so you have time. Go on, Supergirl,” Winn tried to encourage her.

 

Kara stood reluctantly. She wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but her feet carried her toward the lab nonetheless. She stood in front of the glass wall, watching her adoptive mother and the woman she loved working together, and a smile appeared on her lips. She walked in and cleared her throat to gain their attention. 

 

“Supergirl, you came back,” Lena exclaimed. She seemed genuinely happy to see her. But for how long, Kara wondered. Eliza simply nodded and smiled.

 

“I’ll let you two talk, I could use a break,” Dr. Danvers said before leaving the room. They stayed silent for a moment, neither knew what to say. 

 

“I… I need to talk to you,” Kara began as she started to fidget with her suit’s sleeves.

 

“I sorry I left without a word, it wasn’t about you,” Lena stepped forward.

 

“I know but in a way, it was,” Kara looked at her hands. “Maybe we should sit.” She gestured toward the chairs. They sat quietly. 

 

“I don’t understand how it had anything to do with you,” Lena broke the heavy silence.

 

“When you left I was sad, but I thought that it would pass eventually. I'm used to losing people, friends, family. But with every passing day, I missed you more, and I realized that it wasn’t a simple friendship for me. But you asked to be left alone, so I didn’t track you down, I wanted to respect your decision. But I began to feel angry, why did you have to leave? You chose to leave, you weren’t forced to. You abandoned me on purpose,” Kara stopped when she felt her anger rise once again, she was too tired to fight it.

 

Lena watched Supergirl in front of her, telling her things that she couldn’t understand. It was like Kara’s words in Supergirl’s mouth. Was the heroine confessing her feelings? But it made no sense, Lena thought.

 

“I lied to you, since the first day we met. I didn’t tell you who I was,” Kara continued, but Lena stopped her.

 

“I can’t blame you for that. I’m a Luthor after all, and you didn’t know me back then,” Lena smiled reassuringly 

 

“Maybe, but after I came to trust you I kept my identity secret and I lied to you, so many times.” Kara took a deep breath, “And with every day passing it became more difficult to tell you the truth until I reached the point when I was sure I would lose you if I told you, so I chose to stay silent. I chose to lie to you.” Kara felt her tears ran down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them.

 

Lena cupped the heroine’s face and wiped away the tears with her thumbs. “Hey, it’s not like I knew your other identity,” Lena said trying to reassure Supergirl, but the heroine winced and Lena saw it. The dark-haired woman scrutinized the face in her palm, trying to connect the dots. Then the realization came crashing down on her.

 

“Kara?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading.


	13. Aftermaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the corrections

 

 

It took time for Lena’s brain to catch up, but once the realization dawned on her, everything made finally sense. Supergirl’s timing, “I flew here on a bus,” the censored part in Kara’s letter. Everything became clear, how could Lena have missed it? She felt her anger rise Kara had lied to her since the beginning. She didn’t trust her, of course, she was a Luthor after all. But the logical part of her brain understood, remembered what Supergirl/Kara had just said. She wanted to be mad, she wanted to be furious, but she could understand. And she could give Kara a chance to explain herself. She loved Kara, well the part of Kara that she knew, but what about the other part? Did she love Supergirl too? Who was she? There were so many questions swirling in her head, so many things she wanted to ask. But she was stuck, mouth agape. Her hand had fallen from Kara’s cheek at some point, she didn’t remember when. Kara was there, in front of her, in Supergirl’s suit, she couldn’t unsee it now, she was waiting for Lena to talk, still crying. A part of Lena wanted to hug her, to comfort her, another part wanted to lash out at her, to make her feel as bad as she felt now. 

 

She shook her head and closed her mouth. It was still Kara in front of her. Or at least she needed to know if it was still her.

 

“Was everything a lie?” she finally asked harshly, harsher than she intended to.

 

“No, of course not,” Kara made a move forward but stopped herself and let her hands fall to her tights. “I told you everything I could.” 

 

“What’s your name? I mean your real name.” 

 

“Kara Zor-El,” Supergirl ducked her head, she was usually proud of her name, but it left a sour taste in her mouth now. She was afraid to lose Lena because of it because of who she really was, and what she had discovered about her own father didn’t help either.

 

“Who are you?” 

 

Kara lifted her head, looking questioningly Lena. She wasn’t sure she understood the question, there were so many ways to answer it. She gathered her courage and tried to answer as truthfully as she could.

 

“I’m Kara, I’m Superman’s older cousin, my parents sent me to earth to take care of him but my pod get knocked off course, and when I finally landed on earth he was already Superman. The Danvers adopted me, and I hid who I was until my sister’s plane fell from the sky and I chose to reveal myself to save her. You know the rest.” 

 

Lena stayed silent a moment. It was easy to forget that the girl in front of her had lost everything, her whole world, she looked so strong when she was Supergirl, and she always smiling when she was Kara. Then Eliza’s words came back to her, “She is strong, she is easily the strongest person I’ve ever met, but when it comes to her heart she can easily be hurt.” She hadn’t realized how true it was until now. She had in front of her the most powerful woman on Earth and she seemed so broken.

 

“I want to trust you, I want to believe you, but I’m hurt. I won’t lie to you, I’m lost,” Lena chose to be sincere, somewhere in all this mess was the woman she loved.

 

“I hope you can forgive me, but if you won’t I understand.” Kara stood up, ready to leave their fate in Lena’s hands.

 

“There’s nothing to forgive, I just need time to know how I feel about this, it’s a lot to take,” Lena tried to smile. “And I need to focus on Sam for now.”

 

Kara nodded and left, her head down.

 

Eliza came back from her break with two cups of tea. She handed one to Lena and watched her closely before speaking quietly.

 

“So now you know.” 

 

“Yes,” Lena stated. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about it, even less to Kara’s adoptive mother.

 

“And how do you feel about it?” Eliza asked in a motherly voice, which seemed so foreign to Lena.

 

“I… I don’t know. I feel angry, betrayed, lost.” Why was she feeling the need to talk to this woman? She thought.

 

“I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I just want you to know that you know Kara, she didn’t play you to make you suffer. In fact, she worked so hard to make everybody here see who you really are, she fought her friends for you, she even fought Alex. She always had so much faith in you.” 

 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

 

“Because I know she won’t, and you deserve to know that since the beginning she fought for you,” Eliza turned back to her work.

 

And Lena got lost in her thoughts once again. She knew Kara. Kara was kind, attentive, and always ready to help. She couldn’t have faked it. It was who she really was, selfless in her two lives. She desperately wanted to run to Kara, but she would force herself to wait, not to punish Kara. On the contrary, she didn’t want to say things she wasn’t one hundred percent sure about. She could wait until tomorrow and sleep on it. It was the right thing to do, but for now Sam needed her. 

 

Winn called them and shared the last files Supergirl had translated. And finally, finally, they found something helpful. Alex was right, they would need Lena’s engineering expertise, Winn’s coding skills, Eliza’s alien physiology knowledge, Alex’s Kryptonian physiology knowledge and luck, a lot of luck. But they could make it, they could help Sam. It took them two more days to build the device designed to deprogram Sam and perfect the virus engineered to rewrite her genome. When it was finally ready, Lena visited Sam in her cell.

 

“I need a favor,” Sam said bluntly.

 

“Anything you need,” Lena replied.

 

“I need a lawyer, I want to be sure that Ruby will be safe if anything goes wrong.” 

 

“Sam, it will be okay.”

 

“I hope so, but I need to take care of my daughter first. Can you find me a lawyer, and bring them here, please.”

 

Lena nodded and exited the cell ward, she didn’t get lost in the corridor anymore, not after spending the past days here. She took her phone and called the only person she could think of.

 

“Hey I thought you’d forgotten me,” Lucy said at the other end.

 

“Hey, I need a favor.” 

 

“Straight to the point, name it and I’ll see what I can do.” 

 

“I need a lawyer.”

 

“What did you do?” 

 

“Nothing, it’s for Sam, she wants to be sure that if anything goes wrong her daughter will be safe.”

 

“And she can’t leave the DEO so you need someone who already has access?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“You’re lucky, I’m already on my way. I should be there in two hours maybe three, see you there” 

 

“Thank you.”

 

Lena sighed in relief, and walked back toward the cell ward. She couldn’t wait to tell Sam she had someone. Sam was relieved too, she began to go through everything she could think about while waiting for Lucy’s arrival. She felt like a prisoner waiting for her death, and couldn’t shake off the feeling. 

 

Eliza, Alex, Supergirl, and Winn joined them. Sam wanted to talk to them about her plan. She wanted Alex to keep taking care of Ruby, with Lena’s help. And she asked Supergirl to kill her if anything went wrong. At first Kara refused, it was against everything she believed in, but she eventually agreed, reluctant but seeing Sam’s point. Reign was too dangerous. Lucy finally joined them and wrote down the part concerning Ruby on paper.

 

Sam was finally ready to accept whatever could happen to her and everyone got back to work. Tampering with genes was dangerous, even more, when it came to someone as powerful as Reign. They strapped Sam in the modified pod, injected the virus into her veins and launched their program that would fight against her psychological programming. 

 

Everyone was silent excepted for Kara, who said a prayer to Rao. Lena listened to this foreign language she had never heard falling from Kara’s lips, she was mesmerized and let her mind wander. She needed to focus on something other than her friend in the pod, fighting for her life. 

 

Alex broke her daze when she walked toward her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

“You should go rest, I’ll stay here with Winn and take the first shift, you can take the second with my mother,” she whispered. Lena looked up at Eliza and the woman nodded before heading toward the door and exiting the room.

 

“Only if you promise to come looking for me if there's any change,” Lena replied.

 

“Of course.” 

 

Lena left the room quickly followed by Lucy. It had been almost five days since Lena had come to the DEO and she hadn’t left the building since. So she decided she could use some fresh air and headed toward the balcony, and leaned against the wall once there. She looked over the city, then toward the sky, she didn't know any prayers, otherwise she would have said one. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

 

Then she felt a presence beside her, at first she thought it was Lucy, but the more the silence extended the more she doubted her assumption. Then she heard a small, deep huff of a laugh and turned to face him.

 

“I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not Lucy.” He extended a hand toward her. “I’m J'onn Jonzz, it's an honor to finally meet you”

 

“The famous J'onn everyone talks about,” Lena took his hand. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

 

“Thank you for your help,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn't come to see you sooner, but I was out of town”

 

“It was the least I could do, but we don’t know if it will work.”

 

“Have faith Miss Luthor,” he said before leaving. He passed Lucy on his way out and nodded to her.

 

“I thought I had found a quiet place, but it seems I was wrong,” Lena said without looking at Lucy.

 

“The balcony! A quiet place? You are definitely wrong. I think you’re standing exactly where Alex was when she asked Maggie to marry her, and that’s just the first thing I can think of,” Lucy laughed lightly. “But seriously. How are you?”

 

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Lena sighed

 

“I heard that you know now,” Lucy looked closely her friend

 

“Yes,” Lena exhaled.

 

“And?” Lucy pressed.

 

“I don't know.”

 

“You need to give me more than that if you want my help.”

 

“Who said I wanted your help,” Lena turned to face Lucy and rose a defiant eyebrow.

 

Lucy laughed, and Lena joined her, her tiredness and her nerves showing through her walls. But her laugh was soon replaced by tears.

 

“I’m scared, scared to lose Sam, scared to lose Kara, scared to be alone, scared to have screwed everything up, scared not to be enough. I love her so much, how am I supposed to live without her, without them?”

 

Lucy hugged her and held her tight, as tightly as she could, letting her cry on her shoulder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	14. The Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the corrections

 

 

 

Alex waited for Kara to finish her prayer. Then she walked toward her kneeling sister and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly to convey all she couldn’t say, how sorry she was, how much she understood, and everything that didn’t need to be said out loud between the two sisters. Kara looked up with teary eyes.

 

“I know, but everything will be fine,” Alex whispered and kneeled beside her.

 

“I hope you’re right,” Kara replied, looking between the pod and her sister. The room had grown silent, save for the sound of Winn’s typing. They didn’t move for a moment.

 

“Come here,” Alex finally said, opening her arms. Kara fell into Alex’s arms and hugged her as tightly as she dared. Each of them found comfort in the embrace until Alex groaned and began to shift from one knee to the other. “I don’t know how you can stay on your knees for so long, it hurts like hell,” Alex joked and stood up, offering an unnecessary hand to help Kara up. “You should go rest, it will take time,” Alex nodded toward the pod.

 

“Okay,” Kara reluctantly said then turned toward Alex who had joined Winn at the desk. “Come looking for me if you need anything.” Both agents nodded and Kara left the room with a final glance toward the pod.

 

She wasn’t tired per se, but Kara knew Alex was right, she needed to rest. But for now she wanted to make sure she wasn’t needed anywhere else before she changed into some comfier clothes she was planning on borrowing from Alex’s locker. She walked toward the command center and joined J’onn, standing beside him and watching the screens in front of them.

 

“How are you?” J’onn asked.

 

“It will take time to answer that question,” Kara replied not looking at him.

 

“You did everything you could, like everybody here.” 

 

“I know, but it doesn’t help,” Kara looked at her hands. Then she heard the laughter coming from the balcony. She didn’t pay attention to it until the laughter became sobs. She looked up and saw Lucy hugging Lena. She felt a pang of jealousy, she should be the one holding Lena. But she couldn’t because she was most likely the reason for Lena’s tears, and it was killing her, knowing she made the woman she loved suffer. 

 

“You should go up there,” J’onn said, looking between the balcony and Kara. Even if the Martian couldn’t read Kara’s mind he knew what she was thinking about. 

 

“I don’t think they want to see me,” Kara ducked her head. She was ready to accept Lena’s decision, even if the dark-haired woman didn’t want to see her ever again.

 

“I think you’re wrong. Go. She needs you,” J’onn nudged her.

 

Kara began to move toward the balcony, her mind telling her it was a bad idea, but her heart hoping J’onn was right. She would know soon anyway, there were only fews steps separating her from the two women. 

 

Lucy lifted her head from Lena’s shoulder and looked at Kara, she nodded and whispered in the dark-haired woman’s ear. “I will leave you alone, talk to her, I will be at the command center if you need me.”  

 

Lena lifted her head from Lucy’s shoulder, wiping messy tears with her sleeve and only understood what Lucy was saying when she spotted Kara not far away from them.

 

“You don’t have to leave, Lucy. I understand if you don’t want…” Kara began but immediately stopped when Lena launched herself into her arms.

 

“Don’t…. don’t leave,” Lena sobbed in Kara’s chest. 

 

Kara looked at Lucy questioningly, she didn’t understand why Lena was in this state. She thought she was the reason for Lena’s tears, but it seemed she was wrong. Lucy whispered only for Kara’s ears, “Talk with her,” and left the balcony.

 

Kara ran tentatively her hands along Lena’s back, trying to soothe the woman in her arms. When Lena stopped crying and her breath evened, she nuzzled on Kara’s chest one last time and stepped out of their embrace. Kara didn’t try to stop her and let her arms fall to her side. Lena’s hands lingered on Supergirl’s shoulders.

 

“I… I don’t want to lose you,” Lena whispered, ducking her head shyly.

 

“Neither do I,” Kara replied, she desperately wanted to touch Lena, to hug her, make her know she was there and that she wouldn’t go anywhere, but she didn’t know if she should, so she stayed still. “You need to sleep,” Kara added, she could see how exhausted Lena was.

 

“I don’t think I can.” Lena didn’t look up, afraid of what she would find on Kara’s face.

 

“Come on, I’ll stay with you if it helps,” Supergirl extended her hand and took Lena’s, guiding her inside.

 

“I would love that,” Lena whispered.

 

They walked toward the sleeping quarters where there were small beds for the agents who stayed there overnight. Lena chose one and sat on it, never letting Kara’s hand go. Supergirl looked at her.

 

“Stay with me… please,” Lena's voice was small.

 

“I will, I’m right here,” Kara smiled reassuringly. Then Lena tugged on her hand and Kara sat between the headboard and the dark-haired woman with her back against the wall. Lena laid her head on Kara’s thighs, still holding her hand, she rested their joined hands on her shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

“Is that okay?” Lena asked shyly after a while, sensing Kara’s tension under her head.

 

“Yes,” Kara exhaled and relaxed. They fell asleep like that.

 

And that’s how Alex found them a few hours later, she smiled at the sight. Kara might have sensed her presence because she opened her eyes.

 

“What happened,” she whispered, trying not to move under Lena.

 

“Nothing, it’s just that Winn is drooling on his keyboard, so I thought Lena could take over,” Alex whispered back.

 

“She needs to sleep too, maybe I could take over,” Kara proposed. She began to move under Lena, slipping out of the bed without waking up the other woman was only possible thanks to her ability to fly. Alex watched her with a huge smile, caused by her sister dorkiness. They exited the room quietly.

 

“Are you sure you can take over?” Alex asked worriedly. She knew Lena needed to sleep but she worried for Sam as well.

 

“Of course. I know I hide my brain most of the time but it doesn’t mean it’s not there,” Kara smiled reassuringly pointing at her forehead.

 

“I know, I know, it’s just, you know, I want the best for Sam, that’s all.” 

 

“So do I. Let me change and I’ll join you there,” Kara said pulling on her skirt. Her suit wasn’t the best outfit for sleeping, and she couldn’t wait to slip out of it.

 

It took less than a minute for Kara to get changed and joined Alex, Eliza, and a drooling Winn in the med bay. Kara gathered Winn in her arms and laid him on the couch in the corner of the room, covering him with a blanket. 

 

“You should go rest too,” Eliza said to Alex, and Kara nodded before sitting where Winn had fallen asleep earlier.

 

“I will, in a minute,” Alex said and walked toward the pod. She rested her hands and her forehead against it and closed her eyes.

 

“I don’t know if you can hear me in there,” Alex began and the two other Danvers women turned their attention elsewhere, willing to give some privacy to Alex. “But I need you to fight. I know you’re strong enough to defeat Reign, and if you doubt that I want you to think about Ruby. She’s waiting for you, she’s waiting for her mom to come back home. She’s your strength, she’s Reign’s weakness. I need you to fight and come back to me, to her, to us, please.” After that Alex stayed silent for a minute before she composed herself and left the room. Neither Eliza nor Kara made a comment about the tears in Alex’s eyes. 

 

The agent went to the quarters where Lena was asleep and laid on the opposite bed. She watched the other woman peacefully asleep across the room until she finally found sleep too.

 

Lena woke up alone in the small bed. She stretched her limbs, slightly sore after so many nights on a thin mattress and in her clothes. She looked around, it was difficult to guess the hour in a windowless room. She spotted Alex on the bed across the room and her heart began to beat faster. Why was Alex there? Who was with Sam? Where was Kara? Did something happen? All the questions swirled in her mind and she hastily stood up and left the room, careful not to wake the agent in her rush. Once she was in the corridor she almost ran toward the med bay.

 

She stopped in front of the glass windows of the med bay and looked inside. Eliza was checking Sam’s vitals and Kara was wearing black sweatpants and a light grey t-shirt, focused on the screens in front of her. Then she saw Winn asleep in a corner. 

 

She walked quietly in, not wanting to disturb them. Kara lifted her eyes from the screens and smiled when she saw her.

 

“Hey,” Supergirl whispered.

 

“Hey,” Lena replied shyly. Her gaze was drawn toward the blonde and she almost forgot the other inhabitants of the room or why she was there. Kara ducked her head.

 

“Good morning. How did you sleep?” Eliza asked, pulling Lena out of her trance.

 

“Good, thank you, anything new?” Lena asked, suddenly remembering why she was there.

 

“No, nothing. It will take time,” Eliza answered and smiled lovingly. The feeling in Lena’s chest was foreign. She pushed it aside and tried to focus on why she was here.

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up? Do you need me to do anything?” she asked Kara.

 

“I thought you could use some sleep, and there was nothing new, so I let you sleep … I hope you don’t mind” 

 

“I hope you would have come looking for me if you had needed anything,” Lena said a little bit too harshly.

 

“Yes, of course, but there was nothing I couldn’t handle here,” Kara gestured toward the computer screens.

 

“I’m sorry, Kara, I didn’t mean to be snappy, I’m not a morning person,” Lena felt the need to apologize, she was truly not a functioning human being before her caffeine shot.

 

“You can find coffee and breakfast down the hall, you remember the way,” Eliza said quietly. “Take your time, we handle it,” she added.

 

“Thank you. I’ll be back soon,” Lena said before leaving the room. She didn’t need to ruin her relationship with Kara and Eliza because of a lack of caffeine. She was glad Eliza got to know her during the past few days working together. The woman acted more like a mother to her than Lillian had during the past twenty years. The feelings in her chest she felt every time she was with Dr. Danvers threw her off balance, but it was nice to have someone who seemed to care nonetheless.

 

Lena made coffee for Eliza and herself and a latte for Kara, then she gathered as many pastries as she could carry and walked back to the med bay. She hoped it would please the others women.  

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and commenting, I love your feedbacks.  
> Now I'm stressed, only one chapter left, and I really hope you will enjoy it...


	15. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the corrections

 

 

 

Four days, it took four days for the pod to work on Sam’s genes. Four long days, Alex, Winn, Lena, Kara, and Eliza took turns watching Sam’s vitals and checking the evolution of the operation. They were all exhausted. When they finally opened the pod, Sam was unconscious, her vitals seemed good but she didn’t wake up. They transferred her from the pod to a bed. They needed answers. Did it work? Who had survived, Sam or Reign? All the uncertainties were slowly driving them crazy. 

 

Eliza sat behind her workstation, rereading the transcription of the four past days. Lena was walking in circles behind her, sighing every once in a while. She launched her arms in the air. 

 

“I don’t understand,” she finally said.

 

“What?” Eliza asked without looking up from the charts.

 

“Why is she unconscious, what went wrong?” Lena asked without stopping her pacing.

 

“We don’t know, but it’s normal for her body to react like this, it’s trying to protect her, we need to be patient,” Eliza replied in her motherly voice, she was facing Lena now.

 

“It’s hard not to know,” Lena whispered.

 

“Maybe you should rest, or go outside, you haven’t left the building since you came back Go outside, refresh your mind,” Eliza advised.

 

“I… I don’t know” 

 

“What are you afraid of?” 

 

“I….. I….” Lena stuttered, she knew what she was afraid of, Kara, more precisely where their relationship stood. They hadn’t talked, not since she had fallen asleep on her lap, that night Lena had thought they had taken a step in the right way, but now she wasn’t so sure anymore. 

 

“Maybe you should talk with her instead of wondering,” Eliza said and turned back to her charts.

 

Lena’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she dropped the idea of thinking of  a reply and walked out of the lab. She couldn’t find the courage to talk with Kara, not right now, maybe she could find Lucy or Alex. Lena shook her head, even after their talk in her Parisian kitchen, it didn’t feel right to seek Alex for help. It had to be Lucy. 

 

The dark-haired woman wandered in the DEO’s corridor without purpose, she knew most of the building by now, but some rooms were still foreign to her. She heard loud noises coming through a door and her curiosity got the best of her. She tentatively opened the door and found a room basked in red light. It looked like a gym and in the far corner, she spotted Kara in sweatpants and a DEO T-shirt throwing punches at a punching bag. Lena stood still, watching the blonde. So much for avoiding her when the first door she opened revealed the blonde sparring. 

 

Kara might have spotted her because she stopped and walked toward a bench not far from Lena to retrieve a towel and wiped the sweat from her face. Kara smiled shyly and without a word walked toward the wall to turn off the red light, the buzz filling the quiet room stopped as soon as the yellow lamps lit the room. Kara sighed in relief. 

 

They stayed silent, neither of them really knowing what to say. Lena cleared her throat when it became uncomfortable. 

 

“You didn’t have to stop sparring because of me,” the dark-haired woman said, Kara shook her head, ready to dismiss Lena's worries, but Lena continued. “I think Eliza was tired of my negativity and sent me away, I heard noises coming from here and I got curious,” Lena explained.

 

Kara’s smile fell, she had hoped Lena was looking for her, she knew they needed to talk, but she wanted to give  the other woman space. Lena saw the shift in Kara’s stance.

 

“Maybe we should talk… you know…. About…,” Lena pointed between them unable to put words to her thoughts.

 

“Yeah, we should, but not here,” Kara said, she walked past Lena, opened the door and looked at Lena, waiting for her to follow. “There are cameras and microphones in this room, I often record my training session with Alex” Kara explained when Lena joined her at the door.

 

“Where do you want to go then?” Lena asked. 

 

“Depends… do I have time to shower or do you want to talk now?” 

 

“I can wait for you, what do you have in mind?” Lena was curious.

 

“I’m starving, so we could go out and eat somewhere if you want?” Kara hoped it didn’t sound as weird as she thought.

 

“I’m not sure it’s a great idea to talk in a public place.” 

 

“We could order and go to my place… if you want, we don’t have to though, … forget about it, it’s dumb, …” Lena stopped Kara’s rambling by putting a hand on her forearm.

 

“I would like that actually, I could use a change of scenery.” 

 

“It’s settled then, I’ll pick you at the balcony in ten,” Kara said before disappearing in a blur.

 

Less than ten minutes later Kara joined Lena on the balcony, they looked at the view together.

 

“I was thinking about flying us to my apartment but I remember how much you hate flying, so I can borrow Alex’s car if you prefer,” Kara said, shifting from one foot to the other and holding her hand in front of her.

 

“I trust you, we can fly there,” Lena whispered.

 

Kara took a tentative step toward Lena and opened her arms, waiting for the other woman to take the final step. When Lena draped her arms around Kara’s neck, the hero wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist and floated them slowly above the balcony. Lena buried her head in Supergirl’s chest and closed her eyes. 

 

Kara landed carefully on the fire escape outside of her apartment and waited for Lena to step back from their embrace. When the other woman didn’t move Kara whispered.

 

“You can open your eyes we’re here.” 

 

Lena slowly opened her eyes and looked around them, she set her feet on the ground and reluctantly let go of the heroine. They entered the apartment through the window.

 

“What do you want to eat?” Kara asked, putting takeout menus on the counter for Lena to choose.

 

“I don’t know,” Lena looked at the menus closely, “Italian maybe?” 

 

“Italian it is then,” Kara said handing the Italian menu to Lena and putting the others back in the drawer. 

 

After they ordered, they moved to the couch and sat at each end. 

 

“So,” Kara began not quite sure of what she could say.

 

“So,” Lena repeated.

 

“It doesn’t have to be so hard,” Kara said. “I’m sorry for lying to you for so long,” Kara bowed her head.

 

“I’m sorry for the way I handled things,” Lena added. They looked at each other. 

 

“Maybe we could stop to apologize and talk about what we want?” Kara asked hopefully.

 

“That could be great indeed.” Lena smiled.

 

“Go on a date with me,” Kara blurted out and immediately blushed furiously.

 

“You want to go on a date with me?” Lena asked in disbelief.

 

“Of course I want it,” Kara looked straight into Lena’s eyes.

 

“I would love that, but maybe we should wait?” 

 

“Wait?” Kara repeated not sure how to react.

 

“Yes, wait for Sam to wake up. If you’re okay with that.” 

 

“Okay, we’ll wait for Sam to wake up before going to our date,” Kara smiled. 

 

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, their food was there. They ate in silence, and when the dishes were put aside Lena stood. 

 

“I should go back to the DEO, thank you,” she said.

 

“I can fly you back there,” Kara proposed walking toward Lena until only a few inches separated them. Lena blushed lightly and looked between Kara’s eyes and mouth, then she leaned in slowly, giving Kara time to stop her. And finally, after everything they’d been through, their lips connected. The kiss didn’t last long and didn’t escalate, it was a promise, later they would explore it but for now, it was enough. Kara rested her forehead against Lena’s and smiled widely, then she sighed and parted.

 

“Okay, fly me back to the DEO Supergirl,” Lena said with a smile and wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck once more.

 

When they landed on the balcony, Alex ran toward them.

 

“Where were you? I was looking for you! Sam woke up!” Alex almost screamed. Kara and Lena looked at each other before running toward the med bay. True to Alex’s words, Sam had her eyes open.

 

“Sam, Sam how are you?” Lena asked walking toward Sam’s bed and taking the woman’s hand in hers. Sam didn’t answer and looked straight into her eyes. Lena looked questioningly at Alex and Eliza who was in the corner of the room.

 

“She hasn’t spoken since she woke up,” Eliza said quietly. “But everything else is normal.” 

 

Lena turned to Sam again, stroking her thumb across the woman’s hand.

 

“Hey, you are okay,” Lena whispered. “Everything is going to be ok,” she said it as much for herself as for Sam. Everything would be fine, even more so now that Kara rested her hand on Lena’s shoulder to convey her support. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading.  
> please tell me what you think about it.


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Rebellion_Bear for the corrections

 

 

 

Lena arrived home just before Kara, it had become a routine over the last year. She discarded her heels near the door and went straight to her … their dressing room to pull on something comfier than her work clothes. Their dressing room, even after a year of living with Kara she couldn’t fully wrap her head around how lucky she was. Kara (Supergirl!) lived with her in their house (their home!). Lena smiled widely at the thought, she was in love with Kara and Kara was in love with her, how could she be so lucky. 

 

She went back to the living room and looked around, on the walls hung pictures of their friends and family (Kara’s family, “they’re your family too, Lena,” Kara always told her), Kara’s paintings and pictures Lena took during their holidays.

 

Lena made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge, she had a dinner to prepare, it always amazed her how her life changed since she moved to National City. Before she was lonely, except for Jack, and now she had friends and family, game nights and family dinners. And her fridge had changed too. Before it was full of vegetables, now it was stuffed with high-calorie food, junk food, and sometimes she had a hard time finding a single vegetable in it. Lena shook her head, still smiling. She retrieved the ingredients she needed. Tonight, she would cook lasagna, Eliza’s recipe, she knew how Kara loved it. 

 

Lena was so engrossed in her cooking that she didn’t hear Kara come in. The blonde floated sneakily behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist. Lena jumped a little at the touch. In their first months together, Kara did this a lot, sneaking behind her and surprising her, and every time without failing, Lena jumped out of her skin. But now she’d got used to it, and barely reacted anymore. 

 

“Hey gorgeous,” Kara whispered on the back of Lena’s neck, nuzzling in the dark hair. 

 

“Hi beautiful,” Lena replied, she turned in Kara’s arms and stole a kiss before going back to her cooking. 

 

“How was your day?” Kara asked, she let go of Lena’s waist and tried to taste Lena’s sauce in the pan. Lena used her spatula to playfully hit Kara’s hand.

 

“Keep your hand out of my sauce Miss Danvers!” She warned, moving her spatula menacingly in front of a smiling Kryptonian. 

 

“But I’m starving,” Kara said and began to pout. 

 

“No, no pouting at me,” Lena shook her head and closed her eyes. “You have to wait like everyone else!” 

 

“But I’m not everyone,” Kara brought her hands to her chest in feigned hurt. Lena kissed her and laughed at her girlfriend. How was she so lucky?

 

“So, how was your day?” Kara sat on the other side of the counter and rested her head on her hands, ready to listen attentively. 

 

“I had a revelation last night,” Lena rose a suggestive eyebrow and Kara blushed at the memory of their activities last night. “This morning I checked every calculation I had done and found a mistake in them, that’s why every single experiment has ended in an explosion!” Lena continued to explain her breakthroughs animatedly, gesturing with her spatula every now and then.

 

Kara couldn’t get enough of this, her girlfriend sharing her day with her, talking to her about her last idea, asking her her thoughts about it. They had spent entire nights talking about science, applications they could find to Lena’s latest idea or Kara’s insights. It was nice to have someone who could understand, who could challenge Kara’s Kryptonian brain. And since Lena stepped out of her CEO responsibilities, leaving the running of L Corp and Catco to someone else, she seemed happier, more blooming than Kara had ever seen her. 

 

Lena spent her time in her lab at L Corp or in their lab at the house. She even had the time to work with Winn, improving the DEO’s network, Supergirl’s suit, or the agents’ gear. She even had a side project with Alex, together they tried to create non-lethal weapons to incapacitate aliens without hurting them, making it easier to arrest them. Lena had insisted on the non-lethal point.

 

One year ago Lena and Kara had decided to take a step further in their relationship, they moved in together, and Lena asked if they could choose a house together. She had enjoyed her house in Paris, mostly her personal lab, if she put aside the fact that Kara wasn’t there. They moved into a house, too big according to Kara, but definitely smaller than what you could expect from a Luthor. It was situated in a quiet neighborhood just outside of National City, they had a garden, a pool, and there were trees all around the property that blocked the view, so Kara could fly away without being spotted by the neighbors.  

 

Lena’s lab became their lab in time, and Lena enjoyed having someone there with her. Previously she had hated sharing her experimentations with someone before it was finished, but it was different with Kara. The blonde knew when she could help and when Lena needed to figure out things by herself. 

 

When the dark-haired woman had finished telling about her day, she looked closely at Kara and saw she seemed tired. Lena had learned over time to recognize the signs, Kara was always smiling, and hid her true feelings most of the time. 

 

“What about your day darling?” Lena asked softly. When Kara huffed, Lena abandoned her cooking and rounded the counter. She hugged Kara tightly without a word and didn’t let go until she felt Kara relax in her arms. “Snapper or Supergirl?” she simply asked, not pushing for more.

 

“Snapper,” Kara said. “I don’t know what he wants, does the man know how to talk without barking?”

 

“Do you want me to fire him? You know I can,” Lena said teasingly, she knew Kara would never ask her such a thing.

 

“No, I just want to taste your sauce,” Kara pouted, knowing that Lena had her back was enough to ease the tension in her shoulders. Lena laughed and let her taste the sauce. They talked about Kara’s article, Lena’s research, and everything in between until it was almost dinner time. 

 

“You should go and change before our guests arrive,” Lena said when she put the lasagna dish in the oven, there were two more waiting to the side. 

 

Alex and Eliza were the first guests to arrive. After they hugged, Alex eyed Lena and laughed.

 

“You’re awfully casual tonight, that’s new,” Alex pointed at Lena’s sweatpants and her loose T-shirt. Eliza nudged her daughter, ready to defend Lena.

 

“I didn’t want to cook in a dress, and I couldn’t leave Kara alone with the food without supervision,” Lena replied. 

 

“Hey, I can stay alone with food,” Kara appeared beside them pouting, and everybody laughed. 

 

“You can go now, we’ll handle her,” Eliza said before taking Kara in her arms.

  
  


When Lena came back, almost everybody was there, talking animatedly, and she smiled, how was she so lucky? Lucy, Alex and J’onn were sitting on the couch talking about the DEO, Winn and Kara were debating about the next game they should play for the next game night. M’gann and Eliza were in the kitchen, M’gann was mixing drinks and Eliza was checking the lasagna. And finally, James, he was the first to spot her and came to greet her. It took them time, but they were friends now and their past relationship was long forgotten. 

 

Lena was greeting everyone when the doorbell rang. She went to welcome the last guests, she had barely opened the door when Ruby rushed inside shouting a “Hello aunt Lena” on her way toward Alex. 

 

“I’m sorry we’re late, something came up at L-Corp and I couldn’t leave,” Sam apologized.

 

“Don’t worry,” Lena simply replied before hugging her friend, “you’re here now, so relax and enjoy the night.” She guided Sam inside. 

  
  


They were all sat around the table in the dining room, ready to eat. Kara stood up, clearing her throat and everybody looked at her. Lena was surprised it wasn’t like Karato make a speech.

 

“First of all, I wanted to thank you, all of you for being here, for being the best friends and family I could wish for. As you know we are here to celebrate our first year in this house.” Kara paused, smiling at Lena. “But there is another reason I wanted to have you here with me because, during the past year and a half I have been the happiest woman on Earth.” Kara turned completely and was now facing Lena. “Lena, I love you so much, and since you entered my life you had become my sun, my stars, my universe. With you by my side I feel like I’m invincible, with you by my side I don’t mourn my lost planet anymore, you are my home, you are my anchor and I’ve never been happier than since we’ve been together. I love you so much Lena, without you I’m nothing. I can’t imagine a future without you in it. Lena Luthessa Luthor, will you marry me?” Kara was kneeling in front of Lena, an opened box in her hands with a ring and a bracelet in it.

 

Lena was speechless, she hadn’t expected it, she had thought about proposing Kara, but it seemed the blonde had beaten her to it. She had her hands covering her mouth, and she began to cry. She nodded frantically, not trusting her voice. And suddenly she was engulfed in a tight hug, her feet had left the ground, and Kara was spinning her. 

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Kara repeated joyfully. Lena heard all their friends and family cheered. 

 

“I love you too,” Lena finally said when Kara put her back on the ground. “I love you so much.” 

Soon she was engulfed in hugs, everybody congratulated them, and shared their joy. She had friends, family and a fiancée, A FIANCEE!!

  
  
  


How was she so lucky?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and following this story 'til the end!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading.  
> I would love to know what you think about it.


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